The ’90s Nostalgia Project: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, S2E1 and E2

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What it says on the tin. ¬†Let’s go.

  • HELLOOOOOOOOO AGAIN, let’s livetweet some ! next up is S2E1, “When She Was Bad”
  • and just from the Netflix preview, looks like Buffy’s been traumatized by her near-death experience. fun fun fun
  • THANKS, SHOW, for reminding me that the Master looked like a swarm of flying spiders when he died, I REALLY appreciate that
  • bawww, who’s Willow swapping movie quotes with–oh. hi, Xander. ūüėí
  • the heck are you holding, Xander?
  • “well yeah if you’re always scissors” — I JUST SPAT BREADCRUMBS
  • how is it that this show was making killer gay jokes before any character was canonically gay?
  • “please, I’m so over her”
  • can somebody develop a special Xander-muting app
  • if only there was pensive piano music in real life for these sorts of situations
  • OH SH
  • confirmed, Buffy basically brings the vampire party with her wherever she goes
  • YES GIRLFRIEND KICK HIS ASS
  • “hi guys.” —
  • lawd I missed this theme song
  • Buffcakes didn’t get bangs per se but she like……….. spiritually got bangs, if that makes any sense
  • JOYCE ūüėć
  • lovely little interlude from Cordelia there… I’m consoling myself with thoughts of her future character development
  • sup, Quark
  • this high school might be above a literal hellhole but god, at least these students get to go outside between classes
  • someone should set up Principal Quark and Agatha Trunchbull on a blind date. they’d either get along like a house on fire or kill each other
  • and either way, it’d be entertaining as hell. ūüėą
  • OH DEAR LORD, SPEAKING OF GETTING BANGS
  • same tbh
  • “Yo, G-Man, what’s up?”
    never speak again, Xander
  • oh wait nvm Buffy did get bangs, I just didn’t see them in the dark
  • I am super in favor of this library gymnastics bit
  • I can totally see the prosthetics line on this bald vampire’s head
  • OKAY WHAT THE F
  • GILES YOU ARE IN PUBLIC WHAT ARE YOU THINKING
  • oh lawl never mind it’s one of Buffy’s dreams, she unmasked Giles and he’s the Masted
  • THE MASTER. god dang it
  • when you try your best but you don’t succeed
  • I’m amazed at how coherent Buffy’s dreams are, honestly
  • Xander and Willow were so thoroughly in character
  • except for the part where they stood by as the Master strangled Buffy, I mean
  • oh god why is her bedroom window open.
  • oop. Angel is why.
  • “mind if I come in?”
    dude you’re already in her bedroom.
  • “how are you?”
    “peachy.”
  • awwwww, a lovely bit of star-crossed lovers angst.
  • “did you guys hear that Cibo Matto is going to be at the Bronze tonight?” Xander says, as if there isn’t a poster for that event behind him
  • holy god did *everybody* get bangs over break? (well, except Willow, that is)
  • ah yes, a hint of that wonderful Cordelia character development
  • WILLOW FOR GOD’S SAKE you cannot seriously be trying the ice-cream-on-nose trick again
  • oh wonderful, gravedigging. I bet I know exactly who the Anointed One and his lackeys are digging up.
  • because what’s scarier than a vampire who’s also a zombie?
  • Buffy striding into the Bronze accompanied by some moody synthwave
  • oh dear god Buffy do not do this
  • do not toy with Xander like this, it’s still a jerkish thing to do and it’ll make him even more insufferable
  • is that backup singer even singing at all?
  • I for real want that dress tho
  • this is so weird and I am so uncomfortable
  • Xander looks downright miserable tbh
  • BUFFY. GIRLFRIEND. get tf out of there. treat yourself to a pedicure or something, sheesh.
  • wait tho, Cordelia is swooping in with the advice of the year
  • OH GOD
  • how did I become so protective of Cordelia Chase so fast, good lord
  • oh NO NO NO Jenny got kidnapped along with Cordelia
  • (@ self: don’t get attached, gosh darn it)
  • cut to the next day and Willow just casually talking, very very loudly, about possession in the middle of the lunchroom
  • no one on this show is the least bit subtle: the show
  • “a bitka?”
    literal lol’ing
  • for real, though, I’m a little miffed that nobody’s considering the possibility of PTSD
  • oh nvm Giles is considering it. good on ya
  • “there’s some things I can just smell. it’s like a sixth sense.” “that would be one of the five.” y’all I am DECEASED
  • yeah, uh, I’m with Willow on this one. Buffcakes, you are definitely walking into a trap.
  • you are very easily distracted, Buffy
  • crying girl, definitely a trap
  • OH. OH DEAR GOD
  • you know, I actually suspected they were after the rest of the Scoobies right when Giles first said “nearest”
  • damn, why does the library always have to get wrecked
  • huh, they left Xander behind. I mean I would too but why did the vamps do it?
  • WELL THEN.
  • Buffy definitely just brought a whole new meaning to shoving religion down people’s throats
  • oh great, the four kidnapped people are strung up like chickens over the Master’s bones.
  • dude, Giles, you’re tall enough to touch the bones, GRAB THEM. MAKE ‘EM PUT THE SKELETON BACK TOGETHER
  • SWALLOW ONE OF ‘EM IF YOU HAFTA
  • or wait, I guess Giles isn’t even conscious.
  • THAT’S RIGHT, BUFFCAKES, MESS ‘EM UP
  • why is nobody focused on destroying the Master’s skeleton, that would throw a wrench in people’s plans right away
  • holy… did she just stake one vamp with the butt end of a torch and burn another with the fire end?
  • god, that is so efficient and I love it
  • oh okay here we go, NOW somebody thinks to smash the Master into bits
  • oh god this is so emotional and I love it
  • Xander that shirt is hideous
  • seriously
  • oh great, that little snot-nosed mid is still alive.
  • KID. good lord.
  • let’s go for another one, shall we?

S2E2, “Some Assembly Required”

  • Buffy are you literally sitting on a headstone
  • I’ll give Angel this, he is much better at hiding jealousy than Xander is
  • seriously, Buff, don’t bring just one stake, that’s a recipe for trouble
  • “what do you mean, he’s just a kid? does that mean I’m just a kid too?”
    well, uh, when you put it that way
  • “whoever was buried here didn’t rise from this grave. she was dragged from it.”
    cue the opening of London Bridge
  • GILES ARE YOU REHEARSING ASKING JENNY OUT YOU DORK
  • Buffy and Xander tag-teasing Giles is adding years to my lifespan though
  • I’m always so fascinated by how the ordinary, the bystanders, are grieved or not grieved in shows like this
  • Sunnydale can’t be that big and yet Xander didn’t know of Meredith, someone his own age
  • and then there were the boys found dead in the school lounge at the end of season 1, too
  • Cordelia was certainly shaken by their deaths, as was Willow, but somehow life for the rest of the school goes on — how?
  • it must shape the fabric of a town, this constant loss, the fact that it’s always grief o’clock somewhere, but is that ever really explored?
  • do off-camera parents deny this grief because they’re so painfully used to it by this point? do their children dream of escaping Sunnydale?
  • do families move here and then immediately nope the hell out?
  • do kids who go to college elsewhere joke about the violent hellhole they grew up in and then wonder how much of a joke it was?
  • whew okay pensive interlude aside, back to the snark
  • oh great, weirdo with camera taking surprise pictures of people. we’ve got ourselves a regular Colin Creevey here
  • “I don’t think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don’t want to” – Cordelia over here sounding like Betsy DeVos
  • gotta hand it to this Chris guy for consistently calling out Creepy Eric. I bet Chris is gonna die.
  • OKAY WOW NEVER MIND CHRIS IS ONE OF THE GRAVE ROBBERS
  • the poster boy for meninism
  • (apologies to whichever actor that is.)
  • wait is Chris Cordelia’s ex from long ago?
  • gotta hand it to Cordy, at least she’s attempting to deal with her own issues, even if it’s in her typical Cordyish way
  • hold up, so Sunnydale is a big enough town that there’s another high school fairly close by?
  • I’m still trying to figure this world out. it’s a little baffling.
  • Xander literally just quipped about the “cross-town body competition” I can’t
  • this show has such a weird relationship with death and grief
  • lawllllllll Buffy and Willow making the men do all the gravedigging here
  • ohhhhhhhh, Cordy dated Chris’s older brother, that’s what happened
  • and of course the brother died.
  • “rock-climbing.” sure, Willow
  • oh I have a very bad feeling about this sudden cut to Cordelia.
  • SMART, CORDELIA
  • oh man I thought for sure it’d be one of the body snatchers but no, it’s Angel
  • and of course Cordelia finds a severed hand in the dumpster she was hiding in because honestly what else would you expect from Sunnydale
  • meanwhile the rest of the Scoobies found empty graves, wunderbar
  • Cordelia is lowkey cuddling Angel and I’m like…………. is this foreshadowing
  • I don’t remember from my long-ago Wikipedia dive — are they a Thing in Angel?
  • anyway. Angel just described some Jack the Ripper shenans so that’s charming
  • in fairness to Cordelia, after an ordeal like hers, I’d feel better with a vampire accompanying me home too
  • oh, hello, Chris and his mom.
  • this is one hell of a sympathetic antagonist
  • the mom is watching her dead son’s old football videos I’m emotional
  • woohoo locker search party
  • oh now that is creepy.
  • the Barbiedook
  • that may well be the most dreadful pun I’ve ever made
  • “how’s my baby?” Eric, you little Frankenstein groupie, if you don’t shut the entire hell up right this instant…
  • I already hated “My Girl” but gosh dang
  • okay Xander I hate that you’re basically IRL subtweeting Buffy right now but you do have a good point about people desiring the unattainable
  • even though I’m sure you don’t realize it
  • honestly though Xander would 100% be that person whose Twitter is entirely subtweets
  • GILES. hon you look like a lost schoolgirl
  • “ask her to bless your laptop” — Buffy that even sounds weird coming from *you*
  • though “technopagan” sounds fly as hell
  • HE LITERALLY JUST “don’t leave me”-ED I CAN’T
  • oh he already used the word “indecorous,” this is going to go swimmingly
  • it’s okay, Giles, I’d be flustered if I were asking Jenny out too
  • mmhmm, Giles, I’m sure you have so much fun at football games
  • Jenny is Getting It Done and I am weak
  • that hairdo is also making me weak lbr
  • “that went well. I think.”
    Giles you literally didn’t even do anything
  • “huh, I found them attractive enough”
    XANDER YOU INSENSITIVE BLOCK OF WEEK-OLD SPAM YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT THE DEAD SHOW SOME F—ING RESPECT
  • Chris is all eeehhhhhhh about committing murder despite the fact that he’s Frankensteining a girl
  • or “Igoring” might be another appropriate term
  • OH DANG, Chris’s brother is DEFINITELY‚Äč NOT DEAD
  • or, uh, not super dead at any rate
  • dude looks like a baseball
  • he doesn’t want to be alone — oh my god this is raising so many interesting questions about Adam and Eve mythology
  • lawd this is messed up
  • does Darryl or whatever his name is not remember he dated Cordelia? or does Eric just not know?
  • “I think anyone who cuts dead girls into little pieces doesn’t get the benefit of any doubt” — Z-SNAPPING IT OUT FOR BUFFY
  • Buffy is not here for Chris apologism and I love it
  • oh yeah, Chris, the six different NO ENTRY signs to your Frankencellar are definitely going to quash all curiosity
  • bracing myself for a jump scare
  • I hate this from-behind camera angle so much
  • OH GOD Darryl almost sneaking up on Buffy but her not noticing and getting away is almost worse than a jumpscare
  • oh boy, Cordelia is putting on makeup when Chris approaches. filed under “definitely significant”
  • yeah, Chris, what ARE you doing in what I can only assume is the girls’ locker room
  • FLYING KICK FOR THE WIN
  • I’m so impressed that Cordelia knows the word “apex,” genuinely
  • Eric you predatory piece of [redacted]
  • good lord this football game is taking me back
  • whaddaya want to bet Darryl’s going to steal someone’s uniform and go out on the field
  • or not.
  • wonderful timing for that touchdown, boys. not.
  • BUFFCAKES CATCHING A THROWN KNIFE LIKE IT’S NO BIG DEAL
  • Eric lowkey sneaking around the back while Buffy talks to Darryl
  • SO MUCH FIRE ALL OF A SUDDEN
  • also I’m amazed, Xander can actually be useful for once
  • holy mother of god Xander definitely just Fast-and-Furioused Cordelia’s stretcher straight through the flames
  • the boy does have his very occasional uses
  • also Buffy is kicking an awful lot and I’m like… hon that’s a recipe for getting your leg grabbed and getting yanked onto your rear
  • Chris swooping in at the eleventh hour to try to dissuade Darryl
  • oh that is disturbing, Darryl died for the second time bc he was literally so thirsty he decided he’d rather cuddle a headless corpse
  • phwhooosh
  • OH AND OF COURSE XANDER’S BIG TAKEAWAY IS THAT EVERYONE ELSE IS “PAIRED OFF” go home and watch reruns of Baywatch you perv
  • here’s an idea, Xander, Chris isn’t “paired off” with anyone
  • what the SNOT, XANDER
  • CORDELIA IS TRYING TO THANK YOU AND YOU BRUSH HER OFF?
  • see, this is one of many many MANY reasons why you’re still single
  • @ anyone pls tell me the Character Transmogrifier comes for this fool eventually
  • he is the least self-aware character ever
  • “I don’t love Xander”
    “yeah, but he’s in your life. he gets to be there when I can’t.”
    uh, anybody else get a possessive vibe from this?
  • chill out, Angel, yeesh
  • and they mosey through the graveyard right next to Darryl’s grave, and turns out I’ve been spelling his name wrong this whole time
  • also it just occurred to me that I was livetweeting an episode about a dude who came back from the dead. happy Easter, folks.
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The ’90s Nostalgia Project: Groundhog Day

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I’M BACK!

Good Lord, it’s been too long. ¬†This summer, as you all probably know, has been absolutely bonkers, so this blog kind of fell by the wayside — but I’m catching up now! ¬†I’ve got quite a few posts coming your way in the next little bit. ¬†First up is the Groundhog Day livetweet post I’ve had in my drafts for literal months. ¬†Here we go:

  • alright folks I know it’s a weird time of night to start livetweeting a movie but ya girl has always been a night owl SO
  • here comes Groundhog Day.
  • this Columbia Pictures logo I can’t
  • (trying not to think of the fact that I’m only slightly younger than that particular manifestation of the Columbia logo)
  • anyway this woodwind ensemble is killing the game
  • and at this point I’m just assuming the story is going to start with a parade because that and a high school band competition (1/2)
  • (2/2) are the only scenarios in which this tuba oompah business makes any sense.
  • don’t let me down, man, I’m expecting greatness
  • it’s oddly comforting that they thought real estate in California was expensive back then too
  • though that line def had the side effect of cementing Bill Murray’s character’s name as “Captain Obvious” in the treacherous back of my head
  • “but look out, here comes trouble” – and doesn’t that just describe every weather forecast in Tulsa, OK
  • me re: Bill Murray’s character re: meteorology
  • lawl at the subtle mention of Punxsutawney in the background of the weather report, tho
  • oh hi clunky exposition
  • oooooh so Phil’s been covering this Groundhog Day hullabaloo for 4 years, let’s just file that under Totally Not A Meta Statement Wink Wink
  • “for your information, hairdo, there is a major network interested in me”
    “yeah, that would be the Home Shopping Network”
    OHHHHHH MY GOD
  • BURN OF THE ’90S RIGHT THERE HOLY GOD
  • I feel like there’s something Super Meta to be said about the fact that Rita’s first closeup shot is of her superimposed on the weather map
  • but I can’t quite get a handle on it so I’ll just leave it there for now
  • RITA YOU DORK
  • goofing off in front of the blue screen, I can’t
  • darn it she’s so My Type
  • anyways.
  • also filing for future reference the fact that the TV is the site of initial scene transition…
  • oh is THAT who’s to either blame or praise for this soundtrack (not sure yet, reserving judgment)
  • at first I was like “wow this interstitial music is on the nose” and then I was like ok it was probably specifically composed for this movie
  • (filed under things to investigate later)
  • Phil is so done with this provincial superstitious groundhog stuff and tbh I don’t blame him
  • of course Andie MacDowell’s character is Into These Local Stories (tbh endearingly so… I’ve only heard like six words from her but still)
  • oh dear god I know this wasn’t filmed in Broken Arrow but it absolutely reminded me of Main St. in Broken Arrow for a second
  • how does Bill Murray somehow look exactly the same, 24 years ago, as he does now
  • tfw putting up with jerkish men and sexual harassment is still a normal part of your job
  • @ Captain Obvious get tf out of here with your “pelvic tilt” comments for real
  • “did he actually call himself ‘the talent’?”
    anonymous crew person you are my IDOL
  • wait I would actually totally live in a place like this though
  • it’s so much like one of my childhood dollhouses — the balcony, the general gingerbread structure
  • I’m just going to note now that the main character has the same first name as the legendary groundhog and I’m a fool for not noticing before
  • the question of whether Phil Connors sees his shadow will be great to explore once I’ve actually watched the whole movie
  • wait do groundhogs actually oink
  • (a surprisingly crucial question, at least in the moment)
  • apparently not, so screw you, alarm-clock radio station
  • “is there any possibility of getting an espresso or cappuccino?”
    “oh, I don’t know…”
    “…how to spell espresso or cappuccino?”
  • when you realize that although your previous meteorology classes just came in handy, nobody else cares about weather
  • “sure as heckfire” omg I love you already, random character
  • wait is this the doctor in One Day At a Time or am I imagining things
  • ??????????
  • I KNEW IT
  • oh, Ned and Phil went to high school together, that explains EXACTLY why Phil either doesn’t remember or acknowledge that friendship
  • if it was even a friendship in the first place, rather, instead of “oh hey let’s get through high school together”
  • “I sell insurance”
    “what a shock”
    oh man
  • whaddaya want to bet life insurance will be important at some point in the plot
  • “I’ll walk with ya” — oh dear god
  • when you have this nasty feeling this washed-up insurance salesman will be important to the plot later
  • “I’ve got friends of mine who live and die by the actuarial tables” — and that somehow DOESN’T scare you, future Leslie Berkowitz???
  • “what are you doing for dinner?”
    “something else”
    omg.
  • filed under “people could only get away with that in a movie”
  • OR NOT lmao Phil just stepped in a giant puddle and Ned is all “hashtag karma”
  • this echoey oompah music is downright haunting though
  • there are no middle tones to it, unlike with the school band orchestra earlier. nothing to balance the melody.
  • “a giant leech got me” you overly metaphorical little…
  • “they’re hicks, Rita” — oh my dear sweet lord
  • “sleep okay without me?” k I’m gonna need you to stop right there mister
  • hmmmmmm I feel like there’s a lot to be interpreted from that sign complaining Punxsutawney is the “weather capital of the world”
  • this poor lil groundhog, having to put up with all these oompahs
  • is that even a living groundhog or just some sleight of hand
  • MORE WINTER, THAT’S RIGHT, WELCOME TO LIFE IN THE RELATIVE NORTH YA WEAKLINGS
  • LOL @ THE DUDE WHO HELD UP HIS SPANGLY RED BLIZZARD SIGN FOR A HOT MINUTE
  • don’t worry, blizzard dude, I still appreciate your hard work
  • snow starting as the news van leaves town, hmmm
  • and the snow plow goes back towards Punxsutawney, by implication — now THAT is interesting
  • “perhaps it’s that giant blizzard we’re not supposed to get”– I feel bad for not remembering that dude’s name bc he’s slaying this comeback
  • “nobody honks this horn but me, pal” — oh WOW
  • is there an Oscar for Best Retorts bc I mean…
  • no you gENIUS WHY ARE YOU LEAVING THE CAR DURING AN APPARENT BLIZZARD
  • I DON’T BELIEVE THAT MAN’S EVER BEEN TO METEOROLOGY SCHOOL
  • “don’t you listen to the weather?” k I take back everything, THIS is the biggest burn of the movie
  • WAIT THIS SHOWER SCHTICK IS SO THOUGH
  • and so it begins.
  • huh, it’s striking that Phil remembers yesterday’s events and specific wording that well
  • [insert break of a few days here]
  • alright folks so I fell asleep last time I tried to watch Groundhog Day, whoops — so here we go again! (ha. ha ha.)
  • oh how nice, Google, you remembered exactly where I stopped last time
  • the penny is dropping
  • that is some hideous wallpaper
  • wait did all these other actors have to mimic their previous mannerisms exactly? or are they all stuck in the time loop too but not aware?
  • whose in-universe idea was it to name the big park thing “Gobbler’s Knob”
  • and is it actually named that in the real Punxsutawney
  • oh god and living this day over again means Phil keeps having to meet not-Dr. Berkowitz
  • omg
    “I need someone to give me a good hard slap in the face”
    and Rita just hauls off and does it. I love her
  • “if you need any help with the other cheek, let me know, I’m right here” — why is every single line in this movie so
  • I want to know how many takes they needed for those shower bits
  • gotta hand it to the guy, he’s at least seeking help — trying to be logical about this
  • hang on is this Adrien Brody
  • nope. David Pasquesi, apparently
  • and suddenly I want to go bowling.
  • man, dude’s just completely ceased to care about who knows about this thing
  • if this movie were set in 2017 he’d probably be all like “bro I’m reliving the same day over and over” to his Uber driver
  • and in fairness I doubt it’d be the weirdest thing a passenger has said to an Uber driver
  • “what would you do if you were stuck in one place and everything is exactly the same?”
  • “friends don’t let friends drive, right?” snort
  • bowling alley guy #2 you aren’t in any condition to be driving either probably
  • lemme guess this is gonna be the timeline in which they all die in a car crash
  • oops, no, this is the one where they go full Grand Theft Auto
  • whoa hold up it’s late at night but there’s no blizzard
  • does it just hit outside of town and take out all the highways that way?
  • why tf is the police car FOLLOWING THEM onto the railroad tracks bruh your flashing lights won’t stop you from getting yeeted by a train
  • PHIL THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE CAR WITH YOU
  • k but did the police car swerve in time
  • I’m honestly amazed drunk guy #1 over here didn’t actually vomit during any of that
  • what a way to end a car chase, crashing into a giant wooden groundhog model
  • oosh, that shot of Phil in jail just before he wakes up again.
  • is it a little on the nose? maybe. am I a fan regardless? yes.
  • DUDE NO
  • (this time I purposely included my reflection in the picture so I could judge Phil)
  • *sings while badly playing a guitar* don’t sexually harass people while they’re at woooork… or ever for that matter, la la la~
  • wait was this gal in the last few repetitions?
  • also did they reuse the footage of Ned initially calling to Phil or is Stephen Tobolowsky *just that good*
  • I keep having this issue and I feel like it’s fitting on a meta level
  • this look is so ’90s but I’m so attached to it regardless
  • oh dear god Rita just quoted Sir Walter Scott. this is a Situation
  • ūüėí I just know this is not going to turn out well
  • he asked her which high school she went to/who her English teacher was and I’m so sure he’s going to use that info tomorrow to hit on her
  • sleaze.
  • this lady over here gettin’ down to the oompah music
  • wait is that the same pink sweater lady from yesterday
  • yep, exactly as expected. and he didn’t even wait till the diner, either. ūüėíūüėíūüėí
  • COME ON
  • like that is just Too Much
  • k anyway we’re back. again.
  • (had to take a few minutes to process that tbh)
  • omg Nancy
    “gaaAAAAaaaaAAAAAAAASH! HOW ARE YOU?”
  • STOP BEING CREEPY YOU LIMP OVERBOILED ASPARAGUS
  • yep. that went exactly where I thought it would.
  • hold on, I gotta go roll my eyes so hard I see my own brainstem
  • alright, back to business.
  • the hell does Nancy even see in him, like yes this is Bill Murray from 24 years ago but he’s still Bill Murray
  • OH SH– HE JUST CALLED HER RITA
  • Local Man Messed Up Bad and Knows It
  • “what is this, some kinda one-night stand?” oh hon.
  • dear god Phil deployed the L-word. save me from all this hetero ridiculousness
  • “this is gonna seem sudden, but–” ya think?
  • JESUS JAMES K. POLK CHRIST HE JUST PROPOSED. WHAT IN THE JOHN TYLER HELL IS THIS
  • @ Nancy: girl, RUN
  • SHE SAID YES (ish) AND HE IMMEDIATELY CALLED HER RITA AGAIN I’M HOWLING
  • omg it’s the next day and Phil highkey just robbed an armored truck
  • that’s, uh, one hell of an escalation.
  • in any other case I’d say “don’t buy the flashy car after you rob the truck, you knob” but tbh what does it matter this time
  • bruh… you could have bought ANYTHING with your spoils and you chose some knockoff Steve-Martin-esque Magnificent Seven cosplay?
  • fine, sure, whatever
  • hang on is this Nancy in the maid costume or someone else
  • “I told you, call me Bronco” — look, dude, I get that you’re going stir-crazy, but that’s still extra as f
  • nice.
  • that is just such a good shot
  • “the whole world is about to explode, what do you do?” ouch.
  • great now he’s giving Rita the casual yet still mildly sleazy third degree.
  • ugh stop
  • I love how this time loop makes Phil feel like he has carte blanche to say whatever awkward creepy stuff he wants, and by love I mean hate
  • christ, not again. I’m gonna make some dinner and stew in my Phil-Connors-induced irritation. brb, folks.
  • RIGHT, dinner has been had, an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine has been watched, I’m ready to jump back into the douchefest that is this movie
  • (I needed to cleanse my palate by watching some not-terrible men on screen)
  • oh my god and this diner scene got even more terrible literally right away
  • how do I still have almost an hour of this movie left
  • um, Rita? I guarantee you could find all those qualities of your dream man much more easily in a woman
  • just, you know, putting that out there
  • oh you little son of a bitch you PURPOSELY SABOTAGED THE VAN ARE YOU KIDDING ME
  • for real I find this whole “man learns everything about woman and surprises her with that knowledge to woo her” time travel trope abhorrent
  • I refuse to watch About Time for that exact reason — that crap literally happens in *the trailer*
  • it’s just so profoundly dishonest to me, if not downright predatory
  • gotta hand it to Bill Murray, though, that face journey he went on after drinking the vermouth thing was wonderfully subtle
  • that bartender knows something’s up, man
  • suddenly tempted to spite-study 19th-century French poetry purely because this douchewaffle laughed when Rita said she studied it
  • have I mentioned lately that I really really really hate this guy
  • okay I’m definitely having Internet problems. stand by, technical difficulties
  • and we’re back!
  • THIS MF LEARNED FRENCH OVER GOD KNOWS HOW MANY LOOPS TO IMPRESS RITA Y’ALL I’M DEAD
  • granted, what else does he really have to do
  • wishing I could join in this snowball fight and dunk on Phil Connors tbh
  • this gazebo they’re dancing in looks like it’s decked out for Christmas not February
  • so this is definitely a and I am definitely a fan
  • I can’t tell if Rita seriously thinks Phil’s room is “just lovely” or if she’s deadpanning
  • oh spare me all this kissing
  • she is soft-no-ing him all over the place and he is not having it and I’m not having ANY OF THIS
  • dear god I am so uncomfortable right now
  • that’s right, Rita, let the penny drop
  • ugh and even after she sees through his crap (as much as she plausibly can) then he’s STILL trying
  • I AM SO UNCOMFORTABLE RIGHT NOW
  • miss me with the sad pensive sax music pls
  • BRUH!!!!!
  • ha, I guessed right ūüėŹ
  • can the entire rest of the movie just be Phil impressing all these older people with his knowledge of the day’s Jeopardy episode
  • oh my god I hate this guy so much
  • good lord, how many loops does he go through, though? he’s a terrible person but that’s still rough
  • is he about to straight-up murder the groundhog
  • no. no, he’s letting it drive. file that under “deeply symbolic”
  • oh my god he’s gonna drive the truck off a cliff.
  • OH NO. DUDE. I THINK HE JUST PUNTED THE GROUNDHOG OFF A CLIFF
  • nope. never mind. he drove the truck off a cliff.
  • UM OKAY THIS IS GETTING MORE DISTURBING BY THE SECOND
  • not gonna bother narrating this part in any way
  • and if it couldn’t get any worse the MF just outed some poor kid.
  • *as if, whoops
  • gonna take a wild guess here: eventually he’ll get the bright idea to Quantum Leap this entire town and that’s how he’ll get out of the loop
  • most of these people are not nearly freaked enough that this rando knows so much about them
  • oh and now he’s telling Rita about herself, accompanied by cutesy flute music. spare me, please.
  • god, six months?
  • at least he’s expressing some degree of self-awareness?
  • riddle me this, how come Andie MacDowell ends up in so many different outfits over the course of this movie
  • like she was definitely wearing a white collared shirt rather than that scoop neck thing a bit ago
  • that is a creepily ocular pattern on the window-ice
  • god, sorry, more technical difficulties, let’s keep going
  • if this slow camera pan reveals Phil and Rita in bed I’m going to riot
  • …………….well at least they’re just reading poetry?
  • tentatively reassured by what appears to be genuine character development
  • ah yes FINALLY we get to the Quantum Leap timeline
  • god, I should know what this piano piece is, I think I’ve played it before
  • ok but did he actually talk to Ned Ryerson this time
  • man, ya disappointed this poor kid, this definitely isn’t the Quantum Leap timeline
  • I get wanting piano lessons, but damn
  • ………………….this is gay
  • and I am loving it
  • now, see, getting good at every possible skill is what I’d do if I were stuck in a time loop
  • literally just yelled “USE YA FRIGGIN DAMPER PEDAL” at the screen
  • dude’s trying to play some…………… Ravel piece? I can’t remember what it is — and he’s not using the damper pedal like come ON
  • lawl *now* he’s bro-ing it up with Ned
  • and after a weirdly long hug with some back-rubbing involved, Ned runs off in what I can only assume is a gay panic
  • oh nooooooooooooooo the homeless man died after Phil took him to the hospital
  • as much as anybody can really die in this movie
  • oh god he just died again
  • yep, here comes the Quantum Leap timeline. at long last.
  • YAY THE VEST IS BACK
  • wait wait back up. y’all mean to tell me there was a hoppin’ SWING DANCE on this day this whole movie and we’re only now seeing it?
  • man I would have been hitting that up every night
  • oh holy crap Phil Connors is playing blues piano.
  • mark that down as the first time in this movie that he’s actually impressed me.
  • oh my god they’re doing a jazz rendition of whatever classical piece from earlier GET OUT THIS IS MY JAM
  • wtf this is amazing
  • oh dear god a bachelor auction
  • and there’s a bidding war over Phil, because of course.
  • holy god, Rita
  • omg. he straight-up just Michelangelo’d her face in an ice sculpture
  • um not to be the buzzkill but that “I love you” is just as sudden as the last one, Phil, cool your jets
  • yay, he’s broken out of the time loop!
  • “let’s live here!”
    ………..bro.
    you can’t be serious.

WHOOSH, there we have it!  Next up will be another Buffy post, so stay tuned!

Canada, week 28

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That’s right, folks! I’ve officially done enough Canada-related stuff in the past week (and beyond) to merit another Canada update, at long last! Without further ado:

Pillow fight!¬†I’m not actually sure who organized this, but I heard about it from a friend who was going and I was like “dude, I’m so in.” So yeah, I spent part of my Saturday in Nathan Phillips Square in a crowd of people who were whacking each other with pillows, sometimes half-heartedly and sometimes downright viciously. For my part… well, let’s just say I had a lot of pent-up frustration to express, no thanks to the week I had last week, so anybody who tried to dunk on me got pretty solidly walloped. (If any of you are reading this, perchance, sorry about that ūüėā)

What a beautiful day for a giant pillow battle.

Just more pretty Toronto pictures:¬†in case it wasn’t already painfully obvious how much I love this city.

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(I didn’t actually go looking for Honest Ed’s — I just happened upon it. Funny how that tends to happen to me in Toronto.)

Food:¬†I’ve got several highlights from the last few weeks to make up for the lack of Canada posts.

  • Manna Korean Takeout in Westdale. I’ve been eyeing this place ever since I moved here, but I only tried it recently. I feel like getting ramen takeout, which I did at Manna, is just peak college. Holy crap, though, it was so good. I don’t know what the lady there put in the broth — possibly Sriracha? Whatever it was, it reminded me of the ramen my family had every Monday night when I was a kid, which was augmented with a generous dollop of Ragu. Perfect comfort food. I want to go again, but I’m also kind of irrationally afraid that it won’t be as good the second time.
  • Hosu,¬†at Queen and John in Toronto. The place doesn’t exactly stick out amid the explosion of restaurants on this section of Queen Street, but the wonton soup and avocado salad I got (which was quite literally just a thinly sliced portion of avocado on top of some lettuce) was nevertheless good food for a good price.
  • The Starving Artist, at College and Ossington in Toronto. Everything is waffles here. I’m not kidding — everything.¬†Unfortunately, I went late enough that they were only serving dessert waffles, so I have yet to try their lunch options, but you can bet I’ll be back. The two guys on staff when I was there were incredibly nice, too, so the place gets points for great customer service as well.
  • New York Fries. ¬†Shoutout to this place for having poutine gravy that’s so good I still can’t believe it’s vegetable gravy.
  • Eden’s, on Main Street in Hamilton. My cohort met here for breakfast the last day of our Wednesday morning pro-seminar. I was a little too sleepy to remember much about the place beyond (1) the pancakes I got were fantastic, and (2) the place had a piano I somehow resisted the temptation to play.

Also, I’ve got another episode of Grad School Kitchen for ya! I didn’t actually create the recipe in this episode, but I’ve been using it a lot regardless because it’s probably¬†the easiest bread recipe ever. Yeast-free, takes like ten minutes to mix, makes a really thick country-style bread. Storebought? Screw that.

Coffee: Yeah, sure, I’ve been hitting up Augusta and Tim’s a lot, but I do have a couple other places to highlight as well.

  • Cannon Coffee,¬†at Ottawa and Cannon in Hamilton. This place is right across from the church where Sunset Boulevard rehearsals take place, so I’d probably be going there a lot even if it wasn’t anything special. It is absolutely something special, though. I’ve had quite a few things off their menu by this point — maple latte, some phenomenal tea I don’t remember, apple cider, goat cheese and dill scone — and I’ve never been disappointed. (I have yet to try their waffles; I’ll make it out there during waffling hours someday.)
  • Chocolat on James.¬†This place is a candy store and an ice cream shop as well as a coffee place, but I only got a chai latte. The barista was savvy enough to ask if I wanted cinnamon on top, and I now know that is the absolute best way to consume a chai latte ever, so that barista is kind of my hero.

What I’m reading: I worked my way through Kurt Vonnegut’s Timequake Two¬†this week, while various loaves of bread were baking. Like any other Vonnegut work, it messed me up. In a good way… I think. For example:

Or try this on for size:


Yeah. I’ll just leave that there. ¬†Along those lines, though…

Action items: ¬†As always, pay attention to all the important stuff Celeste Pewter is saying on Twitter. ¬†Also keep an eye on the special senatorial election in Georgia; depending on how big voter turnout it, Jon Ossoff could have a real chance at winning Tom Price’s old seat. ¬†If you live in Georgia or know anybody in Georgia, particularly in that district, go vote or encourage your friends to go vote. ¬†Even if you’re like me and don’t live in Georgia, spread the word.

What I’m watching:¬†Buffy,¬†of course (and there’ll be more of that coming this week!), but also Bomb Girls,¬†for a different class and a different paper. Bomb Girls is so soapy and melodramatic — and surprisingly graphic in a couple places? Maybe I’m just squeamish but I had to look away — but even so, I’m captivated. The main characters are very realistically flawed, they screw up in some really morally gray ways, and the show embraces that ambivalence rather than trying to neatly resolve things. (For the most part, anyway. Gladys, as much as I like her, is a little too perfect.)

Music: 

I’ll probably be back in a couple days with more Buffy livetweeting. Till then, adieu!

The ’90s Nostalgia Project: Matilda

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Hi again!  I swear you all will actually get another Canada post one of these days, but unfortunately not until my life calms down again.  Which, if I’m lucky, will be after this Friday, but we’ll see.  I’m not promising anything.

In the meantime, though, I’ve been busily livetweeting, and this time I’m here to bring you my tweet recap of Matilda!  Without further ado:

  • ah yes, hyper-closeup on a baby’s face, exactly how I wanted to start things off
  • tbh same tho
  • how is this kid so expressive
  • I feel like I’m watching The Sopranos by way of Arrested Development
  • god the cinematography in this movie though
  • all the overhead shots combined with the omniscient narrator, *damn*
  • k but why do I get the feeling Gaston would turn out very much like Mr. Wormwood
  • y’all, THIS LIBRARY. I’m dying it’s so beautiful
  • I want this chair.
  • so wait the time jump just happened and she’s like eight or nine now but she still goes to the library during the day?
  • is this kid literally homeschooling herself?
  • god I just. I have no words for how horrendous the rest of the Wormwoods are.
  • THAT’S RIGHT, KIDDO, YOU TELL ‘EM
  • oh my god. she’s about to blow this joint omg I love her so much
  • dear god what is that Ninja Turtles mask Zinnia is wearing
  • I paused at exactly the right moment
  • wait why is Matilda going with them for a change
  • oh god I just figured out who Harry Wormwood reminds me of. oh god.
  • let’s just leave that there.
  • anyway, Donald Wormwood is at his car dealership showing Barron whatsisface and poor undeserving Matilda the Art of the Steel or w/e
  • I’m pretty sure half the stuff he’s doing to these heaps of garbage would make them explode
  • well, that gives “hat trick” a whole different meaning
  • wait am I seriously hearing the rules of this fictional game show right
  • that’s lowkey gross af. anyway, moving on.
  • “Moby what?” oh my god
  • getting highkey Clockwork Orange vibes from this TV-watching scene and I’m so sure that’s on purpose
  • ………………………..totally forgot Matilda was telekinetic. whoops.
  • oh christ please miss me with the “we only use a tiny portion of our brains” thing
  • can you believe ppl still use that trope. wow. (looking at you, Lucy and Limitless)
  • a wild Ms. Trunchbull appears
  • “they’re all mistakes, children… glad I never was one.” Agatha Trunchbull, confirmed cryptid
  • Lavender is a lil cutie and I want to adopt both her and Matilda
  • Trunchbull went to the Jaime Lannister school of disciplining kids
  • k but how does Hortensia have all this time for a backstory dump when the Trunch is going all Patton on everyone
  • ……………….super not appreciating the butch-coding with Trunchbull.
  • oh dear lord this is literally the school from Hard Times I can’t.
  • I’ve been getting Dickensian vibes from this whole movie and just now realized it
  • also, tonally, this movie is a perfect counterpart to A Series of Unfortunate Events
  • (which, incidentally, I got Dickensian vibes from before I’d ever read Dickens)
  • oh hell-LO THERE MISS HONEY
  • being Miss Honey in Crunchem is a perfect metaphor for being a teacher at all in the state of Oklahoma tbh
  • I’m amazed any classroom has windows in a place like Crunchem
  • I love how Matilda starts to answer that one multiplication problem and then starts mumbling halfway through when ppl notice her
  • Miss Honey is the only person besides Harry Potter himself who can actually pull off giant round Harry Potter glasses
  • you can tell this movie was made a while ago bc nobody whips out their phone to check Matilda’s multiplication
  • “what do you like to read?”
    “everything.”
    k move over Miss Honey I’m adopting her
  • (or, y’know, we could co-parent… I’d be more than okay with that…)
  • okay Matilda just name-dropped Charles Dickens. Roald Dahl knew exactly what he was doing lmao
  • ugh fr Miss Honey’s soft voice is a Problem
  • Miss Honey is so much braver than I am, I absolutely would not have knocked on Trunchbull’s door if I’d heard those sounds from her office
  • it’s fine, it’s fine, I’m sure she’s just playing Grand Theft Auto
  • UM HOW IS THIS ACCEPTABLE
  • new hypothesis: this movie is set in an alternate near-future where Betsy DeVos has already gutted the Department of Education
  • also how did the set designers get ahold of so many school pictures for this what were those conversations like
  • “hey can I use your kid’s school picture in my movie”
    “sure, for what?”
    “the villain throwing darts at it”
    “…………..”
  • wait hold on the kid playing Michael looks like the kid who plays young Wilson Fisk in Daredevil.
  • no way it’s the same kid, but that’s hysterical
  • DRAG HIM, MISS HONEY
  • for real how is it that Harry was humiliated by bleached hair but will answer the door while clearly in the middle of a dye job
  • SAME
  • when a Dump Truck supporter says some ignorant sh*t
  • when you realize the Wormwoods definitely would have voted for Dump Truck
  • when you realize Dump Truck definitely would have picked Agatha Trunchbull for Secretary of Education over even Betsy DeVos
  • “don’t sneer at educated people, Mr. Wormwood.”
    oh my god I hate that this movie is still so relevant wtfffffffffff
  • the Wormwoods’ house looks like the set of the Addams Family
  • which, fun fact, was pink in order to look the right shade of gray on camera
  • I’m not kidding
  • “well it’s hard for me to remember a specific cake” and just like that, Bruce Bogtrotter became one of my favorite characters
  • “my mom’s is better” HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
  • this is some book-Harry-Potter level sass right here and I am LIVING
  • on this episode of “I paused at exactly the right moment”
  • that is a, uh, bizarre idea of punishment you have there, Trunchy
  • okay yeah I definitely will not be able to eat chocolate cake for a while
  • PLOT TWIST
  • THE PEOPLE UNITED WILL NEVER BE DEFEATED
  • actual footage of how well the inquiry appears to be going
  • lawl the scene where Trunchbull is coming to Miss Honey’s classroom is so very School of Rock I can’t
  • ah yes, schools with no children, just like health insurance that doesn’t cover any health-related matters at all
  • okay I’ll stop, that’s not fair, would have covered Viagra and hair implants and all stress injuries brought on by excessive golf
  • (k I’m really done now)
  • the whole class is subtweeting the hell out of Trunchbull with that poem and I am living
  • wait okay why has Trunchbull apparently not noticed that Matilda has mysteriously teleported from the Choker thingy to that classroom
  • that poor newt, ewwwww
  • sacrificial newt
  • (god that tweet would look weird out of context)
  • The Help (2011)
  • ooooooooooh Matilda, girlfran, you’ve got some nerve raising your hand rn
  • she’d better deliver the smackdown of the century
  • “why is there a swing [outside Trunchbull’s house]?” that’s my girl, always asking the real questions
  • OH GOD I CAN’T WITH THIS MISS HONEY BACKSTORY
  • me
  • wait ok are they using the same tiny child for young Miss Honey as they did for young Matilda?
  • Miss Honey’s rent is $50 a month??????? ūüėęūüėęūüėę foh
  • I love this episode of Tiny House Hunters
  • “I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of” – sweetpea you literally just saw her do the newt lambada
  • that is not a particularly good hedge through which to spy on Trunchbull
  • that’s really not even a hedge
  • well this is, uh………. definitely some kind of look.
  • the belt. what is with the belt.
  • is it specially designed to keep all the bats inside her
  • are there spells worked into the leather to keep her from metamorphosing back into one of the Old Gods
  • I swear to God, Trenchfoot, if you touch that cat I will reach through my laptop screen and string you up by that beloved belt of yours
  • Matilda is so down for casual breaking and entering this is great
  • chaotic good
  • k back up, did Matilda pick the lock with her mind or did Trenchfoot leave it unlocked?
  • grudgingly impressed at Trunchbull’s ability to deadlift half her car’s weight
  • how in the snot did they not hear Trunchbull on the front drive
  • okay NOW they hear her
  • um, surely there’s a way out that doesn’t involve sneaking through the giant open entry hall
  • oh, NOW you mention the kitchen door? thanks, Miss Honey, that would have been great to know thirty seconds ago
  • dear god, Trunch, surely there are more effective ways to flush out an intruder than Hulksmashing your entire house
  • holy cannoli this is tense
  • UM, OKAY, I’M PRETTY SURE MISS HONEY AND MATILDA JUST WALKED INTO A LITERAL MURDER BASEMENT
  • THIS IS FINE
  • “just wait till she leaves, then we’ll go get your doll”
    “WHAT?”
    “just kidding.”
    Matilda you lil snarkmonster I love you
  • oh my dear sweet baby jesus one of the FBI agents looks like Stephen Miller
  • HA YES SLAM THAT DOOR IN HIS SMUG FACE
  • this sequence is better than any superhero training montage ever sorry I don’t make the rules
  • it just occurred to me that I haven’t seen her brother for the past half-hour, at least
  • spoke too soon
  • ah yes the rarely executed Reverse Carrot
  • oh yes pls tell me Matilda is about to Reverse Carrot the hell out of Trunchbull
  • okay well rescuing Lissie-doll Chamber-of-Secrets style is almost as good
  • omg. this is ARTFUL trolling
  • and Matilda is the most chaotic good to ever chaotic good
  • AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED YOU’RE JUST ANOTHER PICTURE TO BURN
  • (definitely had to look up the lyrics for that)
  • oh no OH NO NOT THE RIBBON
  • just gonna leave this here
  • k but for real has somebody done a comparative analysis of femininity in Matilda and Carrie because I’d read the hell out of that article
  • OH MY GOD some kid just called Trunchbull “sir” this situation is about to escalate extremely quickly
  • here’s a novel idea for you, Trunchbull, people can do different stuff with their hair on different days
  • that red ribbon schtick is just flimsy evidence. inadmissible.
  • OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING IT’S HAPPENING
  • THE WRITING IS ON THE WALL, FOLKS
  • or, um, the chalkboard. same diff.
  • I’m surprised they’re not making more of the possible murder plotline, though. like what evidence do we have that Trunchbull killed Magnus?
  • beyond, that is, her eternally sunny disposition.
  • which they have taken great pains to emphasize.
  • Trunchbull hasn’t been shown as greedy, at least not that I saw. just unbelievably cruel.
  • so if she did kill Magnus, did she literally only off him so that she could torture Miss Honey with impunity?
  • I’m confused.
  • so wait is she dead
  • did that belt finally choke the life out of her or
  • nope. not dead. definitely not dead.
  • YOU SPIN MY HEAD RIGHT ROUND RIGHT ROUND
  • k as cathartic as this complete humiliation of Trunchbull is, I hope the movie has an equally devastating dragging coming for the Wormwoods
  • tag yourself I’m the girl with the glasses who’s all like “just try, I dare you”
  • I also have complicated thoughts about how food and weight are gendered in this movie
  • what do you want to bet Matilda did the bulk of Miss Honey’s redecorating for her
  • oh wonderful, here come the rest of the Wormwoods. please please please summarily humiliate them, Matilda
  • GOD BLESS YOU MISS HONEY
  • also I’m just lmaoing at “permanent vacation to Guam”
  • Matilda how on earth did you get ADOPTION PAPERS from a book in the library
  • it’d be one thing if you had Googled them, but sheesh
  • wait, they just got off relatively scot-free like that? come ON
  • ……………….hold up.
  • moral of the story: having fun isn’t hard when you have a library card
  • and I have Thoughts(TM) about the narrative purposes of Matilda’s powers and the gendering of food and stuff but those will come later
  • MMMPH I JUST REALIZED they totally dropped the murder plot thread. there was nothing about it after Trunchbull’s humiliation

Whoosh, there you have it!  I’ll be back with more Buffy soon-ish.  Till then:

The ’90s Nostalgia Project: Whitney Livetweets the Buffy S1 Finale

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Once again, y’all are going to get a livetweet masterpost rather than a Canada update, because I’ve been swamped with work.  Here, then, is my livetweet of “Prophecy Girl”:

  • yall I know it’s a ridiculous time of night to be doing this but guess what??? more Buffy livetweeting!!!
  • only one ep tonight, that’s all I got time for, but still
  • tonight I’m tackling the S1 finale whoo boy
  • k so apparently Buffy and Angel have already smooched, duly noted
  • wait who’s this tiny kid
  • also Giles is looking for a super particular vampire almanac and Angel’s like “I’ll interlibrary loan it for you bro”
  • (and that’s what I missed on Buffy!)
  • we open on the Bronze, and tbh I’m having to suspend so much disbelief about this club being a real thing
  • vampires, sure. teenagers who actually go to a legit club?? does that happen????
  • oh christ who’s Xander confessing his undying love to
  • oh god poor Willow
  • (although……… Willow, babe, ilu but WHY are you wearing that dog collar like I know this is the ’90s but sheeeeeesh)
  • GOD, XANDER, WHY. DO NOT.
  • “what’s Buffy doing?” besides avoiding your unimpressive self, you mean?
  • k why does that vampire growl like the tiger noise at every Broken Arrow football game ever
  • is this episode the origin story of man door hand hook whatever?
  • AW YEAH STAKES ARE OUT BUFFY’S JUST LIKE “COME AT ME BRO I DARE YOU”
  • those punching noises sounded weirdly hollow
  • wait whoa does Giles literally live at the school
  • um pls tell me that at some point in the series, characters reading to themselves backfires hardcore and they accidentally summon a demon
  • don’t worry, Giles, I’m sure that vibration is just due to the crapton of fault lines in California
  • (side note, where in California *is* Sunnydale?)
  • oh ok that’s actually one doozy of an earthquake
  • NOT THE LIBRARY
  • good lord is the Master always this melodramatic or does he just have the world’s worst case of cabin fever
  • brief theme song interlude
  • Gilesssssssss you are a mess
  • ugh hang on my wifi went out again, pls hold for technical difficulties
  • JUST TELL HER YOU KNOB
  • I choose to believe that Willow is purposely sabotaging Xander by being an exceptionally bad liar here
  • lord I can smell the secondhand embarrassment a mile away. I need to take a moment, hang on
  • right I’ve got some chips and very garlicky salsa, let’s endure this scene
  • “hey. leave.” XANDER YOU INCONSIDERATE TOENAIL
  • oh my god he’s gonna say the mating thing isn’t he.
  • when you know you’re about to screw up royally but you just can’t stop yourself from running your mouth
  • ok he didn’t say the mating thing. thank god.
  • “Willow’s not looking to date you. Or if it is, she’s playing it pretty close to the chest.” oh m y g o d
  • I Cannot Believe the first gay joke on this show was from f***ing XANDER
  • relatable
  • XANDER IF YOU DON’T SHUT YOUR FOOL MOUTH RIGHT THIS INSTANT
  • “look, I’m sorry, I don’t handle rejection well” – I’m screaming???? did he actually just say that????????
  • god in heaven I do not understand how Buffy didn’t smack him down right then and there
  • oh this is agony
  • ugh pls miss me with the sad piano music
  • oh my god an actual phone with a cord! just like the one we still have at home
  • UM WHY DID NONE OF YOU TELL ME JENNY CALENDAR IS (1) A TOTAL BABE AND (2) EXACTLY MY TYPE
  • does she always open conversations by lovingly dragging people omg I adore her already
  • god, I didn’t realize till just now how Not A Thing the phrase “surfing the net” is anymore
  • Cordelia what are you going to do to Willow
  • a bit of subliminal messaging here
  • YES WILLOW TELL HIM WHAT’S UP
  • also Willow’s puppy eyes have me WEAK
  • yay creepy choir echoes
  • oh SH
  • LITERAL CRICKETS IN THE BACKGROUND when Buffy overhears the prophecy, I’m dead y’all
  • Buffy oh my god I’m emotional
  • she just went all ending-of-Order-of-the-Phoenix on him I
  • *wailing*
  • k now you can *not* miss me with the sad piano music
  • uh, no, my room totally doesn’t look a thing like this why would you possibly think that
  • (ARGH the lengths I go to in order to keep my reflection out of these but my nose still made it in)
  • oh hi Joyce, my favorite TV mom
  • ok but this Cordelia bit is actually uncomfortably
  • I’m just gonna guess they’ll walk in and the boys will be gruesomely dead
  • oh wow that is one hell of a shot
  • why is Buffy like the only person who has ever looked good in an empire-waist dress
  • that’s honestly not even fair
  • WILLOW MY CHILD
  • give her a damn hug ya monster
  • it’s such a shame because I know what happens to Jenny and I’m trying not to get attached but damn it
  • “Buffy’s not going to face the Master, I am.” uh?
  • armed with what, Giles, your stellar fashion sense? or do you actually know how to use those swords for something other than paper cutting?
  • omg my bby’s embracing her destiny and going to h*ck up monsters I’m so proud
  • SHE JUST STRAIGHT UP DECKED GILES
  • ok but do we have this iconic Slayer to blame for the preponderance of ballgowns on YA book covers? genuine question
  • Buffy, don’t trust the damn kid, remember The Shining?
  • same, Jenny
  • the eternal Dealing With Xander Harris face
  • is that thing like…………. a trident AND a crossbow?
  • this conversation between Angel and Xander feels like the literal entire reason the Bechdel Test was developed
  • it’s like not even a Bechdel Test fail……….. it’s more like a reverse Bechdel pass
  • and honestly I’m not here for it, k, let’s move on
  • how did Angel not sense the giant cross before Xander shoved it in his face?
  • “at the end of the day, I pretty much think you’re a vampire.”
  • “you’re in love with her.”
    “aren’t you?”
    LITERAL FRUSTRATED SCREECH
  • please let this scene be over soon oh my god
  • man, I can’t imagine how much faster this research process would go with Google Maps and ProQuest
  • good move, Buffy, waiting till the kid is out of sight to move
  • “thanks for having me” – ICONIQUE
  • dude looks like an overgrown finger who spent too much time under a bandaid
  • there was no way to avoid the reflection in that one, lawl
  • “oh good, the feeble banter portion of the fight” – brb mad that I didn’t come up with that line first
  • am I really witnessing a vampire No Homo between Angel and Xander rn I swear to god
  • I mean I’m sure everybody thought prom was going to be a metaphorical agonizing bloodbath anyway
  • GET IN THE DAMN CAR, YOU TWO, FAST AND FURIOUS THIS SH*T
  • god help me now I really want a Grand Theft Auto/Walking Dead crossover video game
  • BUFF. YOU CAN DO IT STOP THIS CREEPER FROM BREATHING DOWN YA DAMN NECK
  • NOT WHAT I MEANT
  • LITERALLY THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT I MEANT
  • for real though I feel like Joel Schumacher took all of his aesthetic inspiration from this episode and none of the feminism
  • also I paused the video at the exact right moment and I can’t stop laughing
  • oh great
  • if either one of those patriarchal MFs is the one to “save” Buffy I’m gonna riot
  • oh my god no no no NO NOT THE ICKY CPR TROPE DEAR GOD
  • Xander do you actually know CPR
  • HELL YEAH CORDELIA COMIN IN LIKE VIN DIESEL
  • ugh yeah Xander’s CPR was what resuscitated her end me now pls
  • HOLY REDACTED, CORDELIA JUST DID THAT
  • course, the flip side is that she just punched a giant hole in the school so now the vamps can come in easier. goooooooood job
  • Giles over [here] like “I know they did not just do that”
  • they’re building a barricade and I know this is not the time to snicker about Les Mis but just watch me
  • OKAY WHAT IS THAT PREHENSILE VACUUM TUBE DOING
  • oh god the bite.
  • AW YEAH BUFFY YOU ROCK THAT MURDER WALK
  • walk walk fashion baby
  • I love the super literal take on “game face”
  • WAHOO CORDELIA COMIN IN WITH THE REVERSE BITE LIKE A BAWSE
  • ok no but biting a vampire back is literally the funniest thing I can possibly think of for a vampire story I can’t even deal rn
  • wait did the Sarlacc just burst out of the library floor or what
  • the Master over here clapping like Nicole Kidman at the Oscars
  • “I may be dead but I’m still pretty” – HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
  • I can’t believe Buffy dusted the Master in eight words
  • I can’t believe Buffy Summers invented the clapback
  • I can’t believe she just clapped him back to the bottom level of hell wow truly
  • Giles over here turning into Paul Bunyan
  • oh dear god why is it that the Master has to look like a literal horde of spiders when he kicks it
  • whoa okay WHY are they just leaving the creepy skeleton in the middle of the library why aren’t they torching that MF
  • dancing to the ending theme music like
  • OKIE DOKE FOLKS that’s all for tonight. the livetweet post should be up sometime tomorrow or Tuesday. sweet dreams, babies~

I’ll be livetweeting more Buffy, starting with season 2, later this week!  Till then…

The ’90s Nostalgia Project: Whitney Livetweets Buffy, Part 1

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And no, that’s not the official title for this project, just the working title.

Sorry, but y’all aren’t getting another Canada post this week; grad school continues to be an absolute circus, and pretty much the only parts of Canada I’ve actually seen this week are my apartment and campus.  But instead, you get a livetweet post!  In honor of Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s 20th anniversary, I watched and livetweeted the show’s first two episodes.  Here’s the roundup:

Episode 1:  Welcome to the Hellmouth

  • bruh just from that cheesy title sequence I have chills
  • general rule, if a character asks “are you sure this is a great idea?” it’s not a great idea
  • feel like I’m watching a Grease reboot here
  • HOBOY DANNY ZUKO JUST GOT BITTEN
  • is it just me or is there something super quintessentially ’90s about that overlay filming technique
  • I feel like Xander’s entrance is a perfect metaphor for who he is as a person
  • WILLOW MY LOVE
  • why is burning down the gym on her *transcript* though
  • I cannot believe Buffy was able to finesse her way out of that kind of slip of the tongue… “vampir–asbestos” honestly
  • Xander you are the most transparent ever
  • Buffy not even waiting till she leaves Xander to make a skeptical face
  • oh hi there Cordelia
  • god, Willow is hair goals
  • HELLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GILES
  • Aphrodisia. oh my god
  • that screaming girl looks like Michelle Obama tho
  • oh my god Xander please shut up
  • wait I can’t believe Starbucks was actually a thing when this first aired???
  • YESSSSSS PULLING LOCKED DOORS OPEN MY QUEEN
  • “a whole big sucking thing”
  • Buffy is a lil fireball and I’m in love already
  • oh hey I didn’t know the Phantom of the Opera moved to Sunnydale after the Daroga kicked his ass
  • aw, I like Joyce
  • K SERIOUSLY HOW DOES BUFFY GET AWAY WITH MISSPEAKING SO MUCH
  • is that one of her Slayer gifts
  • lawl I recognize this scene from the Buffy vs. Edward mashup video
  • HOLY CORE STRENGTH, BATMAN
  • what is with David Boreanaz’s vaguely Southern drawl good lord
  • oh good heavens I’ve seen more dinky warehouses like this in midtown Tulsa than I can count
  • the lead singer of this band is wearing khaki shorts on stage I can’t
  • Willow you are so relatable
  • Buffy is already so protective of Willow ūüė≠ūüė≠ūüė≠
  • retro whooshing noises wheeeeeee
  • Buff, you’re still holding the stake. in the middle of a club.
  • a wild Voldemort appears!–wait no wrong franchise
  • mood marimba ūüėā
  • I can totally see how these special effects would have been amazing at the time, man
  • oh wonderful, Xander and Willow and that other dude just ran into a Twilight fan convention
  • he’s monologuing, Buffy, kick his–dammit
  • k well obviously I have to watch the second episode now

Episode 2:  The Harvest

  • provided, of course, that Netflix loads the wretched thing. ūüôĄ
  • why is this the perfect “waiting for Netflix to load” face though:

  • IT’S STILL LOADING
  • pls hold for technical difficulties
  • AND WE’RE BACK
  • also, a small thing that’s throwing me off: the beating-people-up sounds are actually really soft in these fight sequences
  • have fight sequences just gotten louder in the past twenty years or so? is that a thing?
  • ah yay history with Giles
  • tbh I probably have a whole essay in me about various versions of vampire genesis
  • this whole human-demon-mixing thing is super interesting and I’m excited to see how it’s borne out thematically
  • in contrast to Buffy, Darla has no finesse
  • “they can fly?”
    “they can drive.”
  • I just find it so hilarious that these here Phantoms of the Opera aren’t *sure* Buffy is the Slayer
  • “so yeah that girl I fought was super duper strong.” “she the Slayer?” “dunno, man, the rugby player I ate last week put up a good fight”
  • that computer is pretty sprightly considering it’s running, like, Windows 2000 BC
  • Xander that shirt is atrocious
  • and of course the boy takes EVERYTHING as an attack on his fragile masculinity my god this is already exhausting
  • dude. Buffcakes. at least wait till Flutie is out of sight to jump over the dang fence
  • How to Not Finesse but Still Get Away with Stuff: the show
  • k honestly of the three leads, Willow is the only one who really convincingly Looks Like A High Schooler
  • why is everything Angel is saying so forced ugh
  • hahahahahahaha “suckfest” I see what you did there
  • k another foley thing I don’t get: when characters are sneaking around, why oh WHY must they still have loud footsteps
  • that is not how you Sneak(TM)
  • XANDER YOU COMPLETE MEATHEAD
  • god Xander you are so bad at this sneaking thing
  • this guy looks like someone but I cannot put my finger on who:

  • k good now I can resume the episode, I wasn’t going to move on before figuring that out ūüėā
  • wow whoops sorry folks, was talking with about the eventual essay I’ll write on Buffy ANYWAYS
  • “private discussions”? Cord, honey, you’re talking loudly in a small computer lab
  • WILLOW YOU TRICKSTER ILU
  • oh they vamped him. I bet they vamped him
  • is it part of the vamps’ plan to just shamble around and look menacing?
  • knew it.
  • oh god this tunnel scene is giving me claustrophobia
  • god I just realized these guys sound exactly like monsters from DOOM
  • DRAMATIC ZOOM ON GILES for no reason
  • oh my god there is PIPE ORGAN in this dramatic vampire crypt music
  • they’re really leaning into the Phantom similarities, aren’t they
  • ah cool cool here’s a dramatic and weirdly homoerotic hand kiss moment cool
  • “my blood is your blood, my soul is your soul”
    …………….k like I was joking about the homoerotic bit two seconds ago but now, jeez
  • did I just witness a gay vampire wedding lmao
  • uh wow this just keeps getting gayer
  • cooooooool, Voldemort, I’m sure the ceiling appreciated you shouting your last couple words at it
  • ohhhhhh Joyce, Joyce, Joyce. you have no idea
  • oh no, that poor bouncer
  • oh man I thought he was gonna die
  • oh wait yeah he’s gonna die
  • of cooooooooooooourse the black guy dies first, *yay*
  • ugh
  • is anybody actually around your man cave to hear you yammering on, Voldy?
  • tbh it wouldn’t surprise me if the dude was talking to himself
  • or just to his ceiling again
  • seriously, these vampires have the world’s worst reflexes
  • of all the vampire attributes the Underworld series had to take and run with, they HAD to choose that one
  • K BUT THAT CYMBAL FRISBEE WAS BALLER
  • YES CATCH HIM MONOLOGUING
  • PRIME MISDIRECTION
  • “it’s in about nine hours, moron” – also
  • Angel WHY are you so useless jfc
  • “the Earth is doomed” – oh Giles, never change
  • I gotta say, I’m really glad they basically split a pilot episode in two
  • they did the plot much better justice that way

There you have it!  To recap the rest of what I said on Twitter:  because this is for a class project and time is somewhat of the essence here, I won’t be livetweeting every single episode.  Instead, I’ll Wikipedia my way through season 1 and then eventually come back with seasons 2 and 3–which I also probably won’t have time to livetweet in their entirety, we’ll see.  But there will be more of this coming your way!  In the meantime, keep an eye on Twitter for more updates on this big ol’ project.  Till next time…

An announcement.

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(I’m putting this in a separate post from all the vacation shenanigans because I don’t want it to get buried.)

Because apparently I like making more work for myself than I need, I’m doing another one of those class project things this semester, like I did with¬†Lucy Audley’s Secret. ¬†This time, the class¬†broadly concerns memory studies and issues of cultural memory and nostalgia in the media, and the project… well.

If you know me at all, you probably know how woefully behind on pop culture I am. ¬†You may have even stared at me, dumbfounded, and said, “You didn’t watch that?!”, to which I probably replied, “I basically wasn’t even alive in the ’90s.” ¬†And it’s not entirely an exaggeration, either. ¬†I missed a¬†lot¬†while I was homeschooled. ¬†So with this project, I’m at least putting a dent in the frighteningly long list of Things I Missed in the ’90s. ¬†Over the next few weeks, I’ll be watching¬†Matilda,¬†Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and¬†Groundhog Day, as well as listening to No Doubt’s¬†Tragic Kingdom–and livetweeting everything, so keep an eye on Twitter. ¬†These essays will be posted on a website that is currently under construction. ¬†The ultimate purpose of this project is twofold: ¬†to understand the particular breed of nostalgia that manifests itself among the self-styled ’90s kids, and to make sense of my own childhood and how it’s shaped me.

Now, I actually need your help with one part of this thing: ¬†a title. ¬†I’ve wracked my brain for weeks, and I still cannot come up with a title for the project to save my life. ¬†I am open to any and all suggestions, and if you (yes, you) suggest the title I end up using, you’ll get a shoutout on the site and my undying gratitude ‚̧

So that’s the latest manifestation of my tendency towards extreme academic overcommitment! ¬†Hit me up with your best title suggestions, in the comments or on Facebook or via carrier pigeon.