The ’90s Nostalgia Project: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, S2E1 and E2

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What it says on the tin.  Let’s go.

  • HELLOOOOOOOOO AGAIN, let’s livetweet some ! next up is S2E1, “When She Was Bad”
  • and just from the Netflix preview, looks like Buffy’s been traumatized by her near-death experience. fun fun fun
  • THANKS, SHOW, for reminding me that the Master looked like a swarm of flying spiders when he died, I REALLY appreciate that
  • bawww, who’s Willow swapping movie quotes with–oh. hi, Xander. 😒
  • the heck are you holding, Xander?
  • “well yeah if you’re always scissors” — I JUST SPAT BREADCRUMBS
  • how is it that this show was making killer gay jokes before any character was canonically gay?
  • “please, I’m so over her”
  • can somebody develop a special Xander-muting app
  • if only there was pensive piano music in real life for these sorts of situations
  • OH SH
  • confirmed, Buffy basically brings the vampire party with her wherever she goes
  • YES GIRLFRIEND KICK HIS ASS
  • “hi guys.” —
  • lawd I missed this theme song
  • Buffcakes didn’t get bangs per se but she like……….. spiritually got bangs, if that makes any sense
  • JOYCE 😍
  • lovely little interlude from Cordelia there… I’m consoling myself with thoughts of her future character development
  • sup, Quark
  • this high school might be above a literal hellhole but god, at least these students get to go outside between classes
  • someone should set up Principal Quark and Agatha Trunchbull on a blind date. they’d either get along like a house on fire or kill each other
  • and either way, it’d be entertaining as hell. 😈
  • OH DEAR LORD, SPEAKING OF GETTING BANGS
  • same tbh
  • “Yo, G-Man, what’s up?”
    never speak again, Xander
  • oh wait nvm Buffy did get bangs, I just didn’t see them in the dark
  • I am super in favor of this library gymnastics bit
  • I can totally see the prosthetics line on this bald vampire’s head
  • OKAY WHAT THE F
  • GILES YOU ARE IN PUBLIC WHAT ARE YOU THINKING
  • oh lawl never mind it’s one of Buffy’s dreams, she unmasked Giles and he’s the Masted
  • THE MASTER. god dang it
  • when you try your best but you don’t succeed
  • I’m amazed at how coherent Buffy’s dreams are, honestly
  • Xander and Willow were so thoroughly in character
  • except for the part where they stood by as the Master strangled Buffy, I mean
  • oh god why is her bedroom window open.
  • oop. Angel is why.
  • “mind if I come in?”
    dude you’re already in her bedroom.
  • “how are you?”
    “peachy.”
  • awwwww, a lovely bit of star-crossed lovers angst.
  • “did you guys hear that Cibo Matto is going to be at the Bronze tonight?” Xander says, as if there isn’t a poster for that event behind him
  • holy god did *everybody* get bangs over break? (well, except Willow, that is)
  • ah yes, a hint of that wonderful Cordelia character development
  • WILLOW FOR GOD’S SAKE you cannot seriously be trying the ice-cream-on-nose trick again
  • oh wonderful, gravedigging. I bet I know exactly who the Anointed One and his lackeys are digging up.
  • because what’s scarier than a vampire who’s also a zombie?
  • Buffy striding into the Bronze accompanied by some moody synthwave
  • oh dear god Buffy do not do this
  • do not toy with Xander like this, it’s still a jerkish thing to do and it’ll make him even more insufferable
  • is that backup singer even singing at all?
  • I for real want that dress tho
  • this is so weird and I am so uncomfortable
  • Xander looks downright miserable tbh
  • BUFFY. GIRLFRIEND. get tf out of there. treat yourself to a pedicure or something, sheesh.
  • wait tho, Cordelia is swooping in with the advice of the year
  • OH GOD
  • how did I become so protective of Cordelia Chase so fast, good lord
  • oh NO NO NO Jenny got kidnapped along with Cordelia
  • (@ self: don’t get attached, gosh darn it)
  • cut to the next day and Willow just casually talking, very very loudly, about possession in the middle of the lunchroom
  • no one on this show is the least bit subtle: the show
  • “a bitka?”
    literal lol’ing
  • for real, though, I’m a little miffed that nobody’s considering the possibility of PTSD
  • oh nvm Giles is considering it. good on ya
  • “there’s some things I can just smell. it’s like a sixth sense.” “that would be one of the five.” y’all I am DECEASED
  • yeah, uh, I’m with Willow on this one. Buffcakes, you are definitely walking into a trap.
  • you are very easily distracted, Buffy
  • crying girl, definitely a trap
  • OH. OH DEAR GOD
  • you know, I actually suspected they were after the rest of the Scoobies right when Giles first said “nearest”
  • damn, why does the library always have to get wrecked
  • huh, they left Xander behind. I mean I would too but why did the vamps do it?
  • WELL THEN.
  • Buffy definitely just brought a whole new meaning to shoving religion down people’s throats
  • oh great, the four kidnapped people are strung up like chickens over the Master’s bones.
  • dude, Giles, you’re tall enough to touch the bones, GRAB THEM. MAKE ‘EM PUT THE SKELETON BACK TOGETHER
  • SWALLOW ONE OF ‘EM IF YOU HAFTA
  • or wait, I guess Giles isn’t even conscious.
  • THAT’S RIGHT, BUFFCAKES, MESS ‘EM UP
  • why is nobody focused on destroying the Master’s skeleton, that would throw a wrench in people’s plans right away
  • holy… did she just stake one vamp with the butt end of a torch and burn another with the fire end?
  • god, that is so efficient and I love it
  • oh okay here we go, NOW somebody thinks to smash the Master into bits
  • oh god this is so emotional and I love it
  • Xander that shirt is hideous
  • seriously
  • oh great, that little snot-nosed mid is still alive.
  • KID. good lord.
  • let’s go for another one, shall we?

S2E2, “Some Assembly Required”

  • Buffy are you literally sitting on a headstone
  • I’ll give Angel this, he is much better at hiding jealousy than Xander is
  • seriously, Buff, don’t bring just one stake, that’s a recipe for trouble
  • “what do you mean, he’s just a kid? does that mean I’m just a kid too?”
    well, uh, when you put it that way
  • “whoever was buried here didn’t rise from this grave. she was dragged from it.”
    cue the opening of London Bridge
  • GILES ARE YOU REHEARSING ASKING JENNY OUT YOU DORK
  • Buffy and Xander tag-teasing Giles is adding years to my lifespan though
  • I’m always so fascinated by how the ordinary, the bystanders, are grieved or not grieved in shows like this
  • Sunnydale can’t be that big and yet Xander didn’t know of Meredith, someone his own age
  • and then there were the boys found dead in the school lounge at the end of season 1, too
  • Cordelia was certainly shaken by their deaths, as was Willow, but somehow life for the rest of the school goes on — how?
  • it must shape the fabric of a town, this constant loss, the fact that it’s always grief o’clock somewhere, but is that ever really explored?
  • do off-camera parents deny this grief because they’re so painfully used to it by this point? do their children dream of escaping Sunnydale?
  • do families move here and then immediately nope the hell out?
  • do kids who go to college elsewhere joke about the violent hellhole they grew up in and then wonder how much of a joke it was?
  • whew okay pensive interlude aside, back to the snark
  • oh great, weirdo with camera taking surprise pictures of people. we’ve got ourselves a regular Colin Creevey here
  • “I don’t think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don’t want to” – Cordelia over here sounding like Betsy DeVos
  • gotta hand it to this Chris guy for consistently calling out Creepy Eric. I bet Chris is gonna die.
  • OKAY WOW NEVER MIND CHRIS IS ONE OF THE GRAVE ROBBERS
  • the poster boy for meninism
  • (apologies to whichever actor that is.)
  • wait is Chris Cordelia’s ex from long ago?
  • gotta hand it to Cordy, at least she’s attempting to deal with her own issues, even if it’s in her typical Cordyish way
  • hold up, so Sunnydale is a big enough town that there’s another high school fairly close by?
  • I’m still trying to figure this world out. it’s a little baffling.
  • Xander literally just quipped about the “cross-town body competition” I can’t
  • this show has such a weird relationship with death and grief
  • lawllllllll Buffy and Willow making the men do all the gravedigging here
  • ohhhhhhhh, Cordy dated Chris’s older brother, that’s what happened
  • and of course the brother died.
  • “rock-climbing.” sure, Willow
  • oh I have a very bad feeling about this sudden cut to Cordelia.
  • SMART, CORDELIA
  • oh man I thought for sure it’d be one of the body snatchers but no, it’s Angel
  • and of course Cordelia finds a severed hand in the dumpster she was hiding in because honestly what else would you expect from Sunnydale
  • meanwhile the rest of the Scoobies found empty graves, wunderbar
  • Cordelia is lowkey cuddling Angel and I’m like…………. is this foreshadowing
  • I don’t remember from my long-ago Wikipedia dive — are they a Thing in Angel?
  • anyway. Angel just described some Jack the Ripper shenans so that’s charming
  • in fairness to Cordelia, after an ordeal like hers, I’d feel better with a vampire accompanying me home too
  • oh, hello, Chris and his mom.
  • this is one hell of a sympathetic antagonist
  • the mom is watching her dead son’s old football videos I’m emotional
  • woohoo locker search party
  • oh now that is creepy.
  • the Barbiedook
  • that may well be the most dreadful pun I’ve ever made
  • “how’s my baby?” Eric, you little Frankenstein groupie, if you don’t shut the entire hell up right this instant…
  • I already hated “My Girl” but gosh dang
  • okay Xander I hate that you’re basically IRL subtweeting Buffy right now but you do have a good point about people desiring the unattainable
  • even though I’m sure you don’t realize it
  • honestly though Xander would 100% be that person whose Twitter is entirely subtweets
  • GILES. hon you look like a lost schoolgirl
  • “ask her to bless your laptop” — Buffy that even sounds weird coming from *you*
  • though “technopagan” sounds fly as hell
  • HE LITERALLY JUST “don’t leave me”-ED I CAN’T
  • oh he already used the word “indecorous,” this is going to go swimmingly
  • it’s okay, Giles, I’d be flustered if I were asking Jenny out too
  • mmhmm, Giles, I’m sure you have so much fun at football games
  • Jenny is Getting It Done and I am weak
  • that hairdo is also making me weak lbr
  • “that went well. I think.”
    Giles you literally didn’t even do anything
  • “huh, I found them attractive enough”
    XANDER YOU INSENSITIVE BLOCK OF WEEK-OLD SPAM YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT THE DEAD SHOW SOME F—ING RESPECT
  • Chris is all eeehhhhhhh about committing murder despite the fact that he’s Frankensteining a girl
  • or “Igoring” might be another appropriate term
  • OH DANG, Chris’s brother is DEFINITELY​ NOT DEAD
  • or, uh, not super dead at any rate
  • dude looks like a baseball
  • he doesn’t want to be alone — oh my god this is raising so many interesting questions about Adam and Eve mythology
  • lawd this is messed up
  • does Darryl or whatever his name is not remember he dated Cordelia? or does Eric just not know?
  • “I think anyone who cuts dead girls into little pieces doesn’t get the benefit of any doubt” — Z-SNAPPING IT OUT FOR BUFFY
  • Buffy is not here for Chris apologism and I love it
  • oh yeah, Chris, the six different NO ENTRY signs to your Frankencellar are definitely going to quash all curiosity
  • bracing myself for a jump scare
  • I hate this from-behind camera angle so much
  • OH GOD Darryl almost sneaking up on Buffy but her not noticing and getting away is almost worse than a jumpscare
  • oh boy, Cordelia is putting on makeup when Chris approaches. filed under “definitely significant”
  • yeah, Chris, what ARE you doing in what I can only assume is the girls’ locker room
  • FLYING KICK FOR THE WIN
  • I’m so impressed that Cordelia knows the word “apex,” genuinely
  • Eric you predatory piece of [redacted]
  • good lord this football game is taking me back
  • whaddaya want to bet Darryl’s going to steal someone’s uniform and go out on the field
  • or not.
  • wonderful timing for that touchdown, boys. not.
  • BUFFCAKES CATCHING A THROWN KNIFE LIKE IT’S NO BIG DEAL
  • Eric lowkey sneaking around the back while Buffy talks to Darryl
  • SO MUCH FIRE ALL OF A SUDDEN
  • also I’m amazed, Xander can actually be useful for once
  • holy mother of god Xander definitely just Fast-and-Furioused Cordelia’s stretcher straight through the flames
  • the boy does have his very occasional uses
  • also Buffy is kicking an awful lot and I’m like… hon that’s a recipe for getting your leg grabbed and getting yanked onto your rear
  • Chris swooping in at the eleventh hour to try to dissuade Darryl
  • oh that is disturbing, Darryl died for the second time bc he was literally so thirsty he decided he’d rather cuddle a headless corpse
  • phwhooosh
  • OH AND OF COURSE XANDER’S BIG TAKEAWAY IS THAT EVERYONE ELSE IS “PAIRED OFF” go home and watch reruns of Baywatch you perv
  • here’s an idea, Xander, Chris isn’t “paired off” with anyone
  • what the SNOT, XANDER
  • CORDELIA IS TRYING TO THANK YOU AND YOU BRUSH HER OFF?
  • see, this is one of many many MANY reasons why you’re still single
  • @ anyone pls tell me the Character Transmogrifier comes for this fool eventually
  • he is the least self-aware character ever
  • “I don’t love Xander”
    “yeah, but he’s in your life. he gets to be there when I can’t.”
    uh, anybody else get a possessive vibe from this?
  • chill out, Angel, yeesh
  • and they mosey through the graveyard right next to Darryl’s grave, and turns out I’ve been spelling his name wrong this whole time
  • also it just occurred to me that I was livetweeting an episode about a dude who came back from the dead. happy Easter, folks.
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The ’90s Nostalgia Project: Groundhog Day

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I’M BACK!

Good Lord, it’s been too long.  This summer, as you all probably know, has been absolutely bonkers, so this blog kind of fell by the wayside — but I’m catching up now!  I’ve got quite a few posts coming your way in the next little bit.  First up is the Groundhog Day livetweet post I’ve had in my drafts for literal months.  Here we go:

  • alright folks I know it’s a weird time of night to start livetweeting a movie but ya girl has always been a night owl SO
  • here comes Groundhog Day.
  • this Columbia Pictures logo I can’t
  • (trying not to think of the fact that I’m only slightly younger than that particular manifestation of the Columbia logo)
  • anyway this woodwind ensemble is killing the game
  • and at this point I’m just assuming the story is going to start with a parade because that and a high school band competition (1/2)
  • (2/2) are the only scenarios in which this tuba oompah business makes any sense.
  • don’t let me down, man, I’m expecting greatness
  • it’s oddly comforting that they thought real estate in California was expensive back then too
  • though that line def had the side effect of cementing Bill Murray’s character’s name as “Captain Obvious” in the treacherous back of my head
  • “but look out, here comes trouble” – and doesn’t that just describe every weather forecast in Tulsa, OK
  • me re: Bill Murray’s character re: meteorology
  • lawl at the subtle mention of Punxsutawney in the background of the weather report, tho
  • oh hi clunky exposition
  • oooooh so Phil’s been covering this Groundhog Day hullabaloo for 4 years, let’s just file that under Totally Not A Meta Statement Wink Wink
  • “for your information, hairdo, there is a major network interested in me”
    “yeah, that would be the Home Shopping Network”
    OHHHHHH MY GOD
  • BURN OF THE ’90S RIGHT THERE HOLY GOD
  • I feel like there’s something Super Meta to be said about the fact that Rita’s first closeup shot is of her superimposed on the weather map
  • but I can’t quite get a handle on it so I’ll just leave it there for now
  • RITA YOU DORK
  • goofing off in front of the blue screen, I can’t
  • darn it she’s so My Type
  • anyways.
  • also filing for future reference the fact that the TV is the site of initial scene transition…
  • oh is THAT who’s to either blame or praise for this soundtrack (not sure yet, reserving judgment)
  • at first I was like “wow this interstitial music is on the nose” and then I was like ok it was probably specifically composed for this movie
  • (filed under things to investigate later)
  • Phil is so done with this provincial superstitious groundhog stuff and tbh I don’t blame him
  • of course Andie MacDowell’s character is Into These Local Stories (tbh endearingly so… I’ve only heard like six words from her but still)
  • oh dear god I know this wasn’t filmed in Broken Arrow but it absolutely reminded me of Main St. in Broken Arrow for a second
  • how does Bill Murray somehow look exactly the same, 24 years ago, as he does now
  • tfw putting up with jerkish men and sexual harassment is still a normal part of your job
  • @ Captain Obvious get tf out of here with your “pelvic tilt” comments for real
  • “did he actually call himself ‘the talent’?”
    anonymous crew person you are my IDOL
  • wait I would actually totally live in a place like this though
  • it’s so much like one of my childhood dollhouses — the balcony, the general gingerbread structure
  • I’m just going to note now that the main character has the same first name as the legendary groundhog and I’m a fool for not noticing before
  • the question of whether Phil Connors sees his shadow will be great to explore once I’ve actually watched the whole movie
  • wait do groundhogs actually oink
  • (a surprisingly crucial question, at least in the moment)
  • apparently not, so screw you, alarm-clock radio station
  • “is there any possibility of getting an espresso or cappuccino?”
    “oh, I don’t know…”
    “…how to spell espresso or cappuccino?”
  • when you realize that although your previous meteorology classes just came in handy, nobody else cares about weather
  • “sure as heckfire” omg I love you already, random character
  • wait is this the doctor in One Day At a Time or am I imagining things
  • ??????????
  • I KNEW IT
  • oh, Ned and Phil went to high school together, that explains EXACTLY why Phil either doesn’t remember or acknowledge that friendship
  • if it was even a friendship in the first place, rather, instead of “oh hey let’s get through high school together”
  • “I sell insurance”
    “what a shock”
    oh man
  • whaddaya want to bet life insurance will be important at some point in the plot
  • “I’ll walk with ya” — oh dear god
  • when you have this nasty feeling this washed-up insurance salesman will be important to the plot later
  • “I’ve got friends of mine who live and die by the actuarial tables” — and that somehow DOESN’T scare you, future Leslie Berkowitz???
  • “what are you doing for dinner?”
    “something else”
    omg.
  • filed under “people could only get away with that in a movie”
  • OR NOT lmao Phil just stepped in a giant puddle and Ned is all “hashtag karma”
  • this echoey oompah music is downright haunting though
  • there are no middle tones to it, unlike with the school band orchestra earlier. nothing to balance the melody.
  • “a giant leech got me” you overly metaphorical little…
  • “they’re hicks, Rita” — oh my dear sweet lord
  • “sleep okay without me?” k I’m gonna need you to stop right there mister
  • hmmmmmm I feel like there’s a lot to be interpreted from that sign complaining Punxsutawney is the “weather capital of the world”
  • this poor lil groundhog, having to put up with all these oompahs
  • is that even a living groundhog or just some sleight of hand
  • MORE WINTER, THAT’S RIGHT, WELCOME TO LIFE IN THE RELATIVE NORTH YA WEAKLINGS
  • LOL @ THE DUDE WHO HELD UP HIS SPANGLY RED BLIZZARD SIGN FOR A HOT MINUTE
  • don’t worry, blizzard dude, I still appreciate your hard work
  • snow starting as the news van leaves town, hmmm
  • and the snow plow goes back towards Punxsutawney, by implication — now THAT is interesting
  • “perhaps it’s that giant blizzard we’re not supposed to get”– I feel bad for not remembering that dude’s name bc he’s slaying this comeback
  • “nobody honks this horn but me, pal” — oh WOW
  • is there an Oscar for Best Retorts bc I mean…
  • no you gENIUS WHY ARE YOU LEAVING THE CAR DURING AN APPARENT BLIZZARD
  • I DON’T BELIEVE THAT MAN’S EVER BEEN TO METEOROLOGY SCHOOL
  • “don’t you listen to the weather?” k I take back everything, THIS is the biggest burn of the movie
  • WAIT THIS SHOWER SCHTICK IS SO THOUGH
  • and so it begins.
  • huh, it’s striking that Phil remembers yesterday’s events and specific wording that well
  • [insert break of a few days here]
  • alright folks so I fell asleep last time I tried to watch Groundhog Day, whoops — so here we go again! (ha. ha ha.)
  • oh how nice, Google, you remembered exactly where I stopped last time
  • the penny is dropping
  • that is some hideous wallpaper
  • wait did all these other actors have to mimic their previous mannerisms exactly? or are they all stuck in the time loop too but not aware?
  • whose in-universe idea was it to name the big park thing “Gobbler’s Knob”
  • and is it actually named that in the real Punxsutawney
  • oh god and living this day over again means Phil keeps having to meet not-Dr. Berkowitz
  • omg
    “I need someone to give me a good hard slap in the face”
    and Rita just hauls off and does it. I love her
  • “if you need any help with the other cheek, let me know, I’m right here” — why is every single line in this movie so
  • I want to know how many takes they needed for those shower bits
  • gotta hand it to the guy, he’s at least seeking help — trying to be logical about this
  • hang on is this Adrien Brody
  • nope. David Pasquesi, apparently
  • and suddenly I want to go bowling.
  • man, dude’s just completely ceased to care about who knows about this thing
  • if this movie were set in 2017 he’d probably be all like “bro I’m reliving the same day over and over” to his Uber driver
  • and in fairness I doubt it’d be the weirdest thing a passenger has said to an Uber driver
  • “what would you do if you were stuck in one place and everything is exactly the same?”
  • “friends don’t let friends drive, right?” snort
  • bowling alley guy #2 you aren’t in any condition to be driving either probably
  • lemme guess this is gonna be the timeline in which they all die in a car crash
  • oops, no, this is the one where they go full Grand Theft Auto
  • whoa hold up it’s late at night but there’s no blizzard
  • does it just hit outside of town and take out all the highways that way?
  • why tf is the police car FOLLOWING THEM onto the railroad tracks bruh your flashing lights won’t stop you from getting yeeted by a train
  • PHIL THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN THE CAR WITH YOU
  • k but did the police car swerve in time
  • I’m honestly amazed drunk guy #1 over here didn’t actually vomit during any of that
  • what a way to end a car chase, crashing into a giant wooden groundhog model
  • oosh, that shot of Phil in jail just before he wakes up again.
  • is it a little on the nose? maybe. am I a fan regardless? yes.
  • DUDE NO
  • (this time I purposely included my reflection in the picture so I could judge Phil)
  • *sings while badly playing a guitar* don’t sexually harass people while they’re at woooork… or ever for that matter, la la la~
  • wait was this gal in the last few repetitions?
  • also did they reuse the footage of Ned initially calling to Phil or is Stephen Tobolowsky *just that good*
  • I keep having this issue and I feel like it’s fitting on a meta level
  • this look is so ’90s but I’m so attached to it regardless
  • oh dear god Rita just quoted Sir Walter Scott. this is a Situation
  • 😒 I just know this is not going to turn out well
  • he asked her which high school she went to/who her English teacher was and I’m so sure he’s going to use that info tomorrow to hit on her
  • sleaze.
  • this lady over here gettin’ down to the oompah music
  • wait is that the same pink sweater lady from yesterday
  • yep, exactly as expected. and he didn’t even wait till the diner, either. 😒😒😒
  • COME ON
  • like that is just Too Much
  • k anyway we’re back. again.
  • (had to take a few minutes to process that tbh)
  • omg Nancy
    “gaaAAAAaaaaAAAAAAAASH! HOW ARE YOU?”
  • STOP BEING CREEPY YOU LIMP OVERBOILED ASPARAGUS
  • yep. that went exactly where I thought it would.
  • hold on, I gotta go roll my eyes so hard I see my own brainstem
  • alright, back to business.
  • the hell does Nancy even see in him, like yes this is Bill Murray from 24 years ago but he’s still Bill Murray
  • OH SH– HE JUST CALLED HER RITA
  • Local Man Messed Up Bad and Knows It
  • “what is this, some kinda one-night stand?” oh hon.
  • dear god Phil deployed the L-word. save me from all this hetero ridiculousness
  • “this is gonna seem sudden, but–” ya think?
  • JESUS JAMES K. POLK CHRIST HE JUST PROPOSED. WHAT IN THE JOHN TYLER HELL IS THIS
  • @ Nancy: girl, RUN
  • SHE SAID YES (ish) AND HE IMMEDIATELY CALLED HER RITA AGAIN I’M HOWLING
  • omg it’s the next day and Phil highkey just robbed an armored truck
  • that’s, uh, one hell of an escalation.
  • in any other case I’d say “don’t buy the flashy car after you rob the truck, you knob” but tbh what does it matter this time
  • bruh… you could have bought ANYTHING with your spoils and you chose some knockoff Steve-Martin-esque Magnificent Seven cosplay?
  • fine, sure, whatever
  • hang on is this Nancy in the maid costume or someone else
  • “I told you, call me Bronco” — look, dude, I get that you’re going stir-crazy, but that’s still extra as f
  • nice.
  • that is just such a good shot
  • “the whole world is about to explode, what do you do?” ouch.
  • great now he’s giving Rita the casual yet still mildly sleazy third degree.
  • ugh stop
  • I love how this time loop makes Phil feel like he has carte blanche to say whatever awkward creepy stuff he wants, and by love I mean hate
  • christ, not again. I’m gonna make some dinner and stew in my Phil-Connors-induced irritation. brb, folks.
  • RIGHT, dinner has been had, an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine has been watched, I’m ready to jump back into the douchefest that is this movie
  • (I needed to cleanse my palate by watching some not-terrible men on screen)
  • oh my god and this diner scene got even more terrible literally right away
  • how do I still have almost an hour of this movie left
  • um, Rita? I guarantee you could find all those qualities of your dream man much more easily in a woman
  • just, you know, putting that out there
  • oh you little son of a bitch you PURPOSELY SABOTAGED THE VAN ARE YOU KIDDING ME
  • for real I find this whole “man learns everything about woman and surprises her with that knowledge to woo her” time travel trope abhorrent
  • I refuse to watch About Time for that exact reason — that crap literally happens in *the trailer*
  • it’s just so profoundly dishonest to me, if not downright predatory
  • gotta hand it to Bill Murray, though, that face journey he went on after drinking the vermouth thing was wonderfully subtle
  • that bartender knows something’s up, man
  • suddenly tempted to spite-study 19th-century French poetry purely because this douchewaffle laughed when Rita said she studied it
  • have I mentioned lately that I really really really hate this guy
  • okay I’m definitely having Internet problems. stand by, technical difficulties
  • and we’re back!
  • THIS MF LEARNED FRENCH OVER GOD KNOWS HOW MANY LOOPS TO IMPRESS RITA Y’ALL I’M DEAD
  • granted, what else does he really have to do
  • wishing I could join in this snowball fight and dunk on Phil Connors tbh
  • this gazebo they’re dancing in looks like it’s decked out for Christmas not February
  • so this is definitely a and I am definitely a fan
  • I can’t tell if Rita seriously thinks Phil’s room is “just lovely” or if she’s deadpanning
  • oh spare me all this kissing
  • she is soft-no-ing him all over the place and he is not having it and I’m not having ANY OF THIS
  • dear god I am so uncomfortable right now
  • that’s right, Rita, let the penny drop
  • ugh and even after she sees through his crap (as much as she plausibly can) then he’s STILL trying
  • I AM SO UNCOMFORTABLE RIGHT NOW
  • miss me with the sad pensive sax music pls
  • BRUH!!!!!
  • ha, I guessed right 😏
  • can the entire rest of the movie just be Phil impressing all these older people with his knowledge of the day’s Jeopardy episode
  • oh my god I hate this guy so much
  • good lord, how many loops does he go through, though? he’s a terrible person but that’s still rough
  • is he about to straight-up murder the groundhog
  • no. no, he’s letting it drive. file that under “deeply symbolic”
  • oh my god he’s gonna drive the truck off a cliff.
  • OH NO. DUDE. I THINK HE JUST PUNTED THE GROUNDHOG OFF A CLIFF
  • nope. never mind. he drove the truck off a cliff.
  • UM OKAY THIS IS GETTING MORE DISTURBING BY THE SECOND
  • not gonna bother narrating this part in any way
  • and if it couldn’t get any worse the MF just outed some poor kid.
  • *as if, whoops
  • gonna take a wild guess here: eventually he’ll get the bright idea to Quantum Leap this entire town and that’s how he’ll get out of the loop
  • most of these people are not nearly freaked enough that this rando knows so much about them
  • oh and now he’s telling Rita about herself, accompanied by cutesy flute music. spare me, please.
  • god, six months?
  • at least he’s expressing some degree of self-awareness?
  • riddle me this, how come Andie MacDowell ends up in so many different outfits over the course of this movie
  • like she was definitely wearing a white collared shirt rather than that scoop neck thing a bit ago
  • that is a creepily ocular pattern on the window-ice
  • god, sorry, more technical difficulties, let’s keep going
  • if this slow camera pan reveals Phil and Rita in bed I’m going to riot
  • …………….well at least they’re just reading poetry?
  • tentatively reassured by what appears to be genuine character development
  • ah yes FINALLY we get to the Quantum Leap timeline
  • god, I should know what this piano piece is, I think I’ve played it before
  • ok but did he actually talk to Ned Ryerson this time
  • man, ya disappointed this poor kid, this definitely isn’t the Quantum Leap timeline
  • I get wanting piano lessons, but damn
  • ………………….this is gay
  • and I am loving it
  • now, see, getting good at every possible skill is what I’d do if I were stuck in a time loop
  • literally just yelled “USE YA FRIGGIN DAMPER PEDAL” at the screen
  • dude’s trying to play some…………… Ravel piece? I can’t remember what it is — and he’s not using the damper pedal like come ON
  • lawl *now* he’s bro-ing it up with Ned
  • and after a weirdly long hug with some back-rubbing involved, Ned runs off in what I can only assume is a gay panic
  • oh nooooooooooooooo the homeless man died after Phil took him to the hospital
  • as much as anybody can really die in this movie
  • oh god he just died again
  • yep, here comes the Quantum Leap timeline. at long last.
  • YAY THE VEST IS BACK
  • wait wait back up. y’all mean to tell me there was a hoppin’ SWING DANCE on this day this whole movie and we’re only now seeing it?
  • man I would have been hitting that up every night
  • oh holy crap Phil Connors is playing blues piano.
  • mark that down as the first time in this movie that he’s actually impressed me.
  • oh my god they’re doing a jazz rendition of whatever classical piece from earlier GET OUT THIS IS MY JAM
  • wtf this is amazing
  • oh dear god a bachelor auction
  • and there’s a bidding war over Phil, because of course.
  • holy god, Rita
  • omg. he straight-up just Michelangelo’d her face in an ice sculpture
  • um not to be the buzzkill but that “I love you” is just as sudden as the last one, Phil, cool your jets
  • yay, he’s broken out of the time loop!
  • “let’s live here!”
    ………..bro.
    you can’t be serious.

WHOOSH, there we have it!  Next up will be another Buffy post, so stay tuned!