The ’90s Nostalgia Project: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, S2E1 and E2

Standard

What it says on the tin.  Let’s go.

  • HELLOOOOOOOOO AGAIN, let’s livetweet some ! next up is S2E1, “When She Was Bad”
  • and just from the Netflix preview, looks like Buffy’s been traumatized by her near-death experience. fun fun fun
  • THANKS, SHOW, for reminding me that the Master looked like a swarm of flying spiders when he died, I REALLY appreciate that
  • bawww, who’s Willow swapping movie quotes with–oh. hi, Xander. 😒
  • the heck are you holding, Xander?
  • “well yeah if you’re always scissors” — I JUST SPAT BREADCRUMBS
  • how is it that this show was making killer gay jokes before any character was canonically gay?
  • “please, I’m so over her”
  • can somebody develop a special Xander-muting app
  • if only there was pensive piano music in real life for these sorts of situations
  • OH SH
  • confirmed, Buffy basically brings the vampire party with her wherever she goes
  • YES GIRLFRIEND KICK HIS ASS
  • “hi guys.” —
  • lawd I missed this theme song
  • Buffcakes didn’t get bangs per se but she like……….. spiritually got bangs, if that makes any sense
  • JOYCE 😍
  • lovely little interlude from Cordelia there… I’m consoling myself with thoughts of her future character development
  • sup, Quark
  • this high school might be above a literal hellhole but god, at least these students get to go outside between classes
  • someone should set up Principal Quark and Agatha Trunchbull on a blind date. they’d either get along like a house on fire or kill each other
  • and either way, it’d be entertaining as hell. 😈
  • OH DEAR LORD, SPEAKING OF GETTING BANGS
  • same tbh
  • “Yo, G-Man, what’s up?”
    never speak again, Xander
  • oh wait nvm Buffy did get bangs, I just didn’t see them in the dark
  • I am super in favor of this library gymnastics bit
  • I can totally see the prosthetics line on this bald vampire’s head
  • OKAY WHAT THE F
  • GILES YOU ARE IN PUBLIC WHAT ARE YOU THINKING
  • oh lawl never mind it’s one of Buffy’s dreams, she unmasked Giles and he’s the Masted
  • THE MASTER. god dang it
  • when you try your best but you don’t succeed
  • I’m amazed at how coherent Buffy’s dreams are, honestly
  • Xander and Willow were so thoroughly in character
  • except for the part where they stood by as the Master strangled Buffy, I mean
  • oh god why is her bedroom window open.
  • oop. Angel is why.
  • “mind if I come in?”
    dude you’re already in her bedroom.
  • “how are you?”
    “peachy.”
  • awwwww, a lovely bit of star-crossed lovers angst.
  • “did you guys hear that Cibo Matto is going to be at the Bronze tonight?” Xander says, as if there isn’t a poster for that event behind him
  • holy god did *everybody* get bangs over break? (well, except Willow, that is)
  • ah yes, a hint of that wonderful Cordelia character development
  • WILLOW FOR GOD’S SAKE you cannot seriously be trying the ice-cream-on-nose trick again
  • oh wonderful, gravedigging. I bet I know exactly who the Anointed One and his lackeys are digging up.
  • because what’s scarier than a vampire who’s also a zombie?
  • Buffy striding into the Bronze accompanied by some moody synthwave
  • oh dear god Buffy do not do this
  • do not toy with Xander like this, it’s still a jerkish thing to do and it’ll make him even more insufferable
  • is that backup singer even singing at all?
  • I for real want that dress tho
  • this is so weird and I am so uncomfortable
  • Xander looks downright miserable tbh
  • BUFFY. GIRLFRIEND. get tf out of there. treat yourself to a pedicure or something, sheesh.
  • wait tho, Cordelia is swooping in with the advice of the year
  • OH GOD
  • how did I become so protective of Cordelia Chase so fast, good lord
  • oh NO NO NO Jenny got kidnapped along with Cordelia
  • (@ self: don’t get attached, gosh darn it)
  • cut to the next day and Willow just casually talking, very very loudly, about possession in the middle of the lunchroom
  • no one on this show is the least bit subtle: the show
  • “a bitka?”
    literal lol’ing
  • for real, though, I’m a little miffed that nobody’s considering the possibility of PTSD
  • oh nvm Giles is considering it. good on ya
  • “there’s some things I can just smell. it’s like a sixth sense.” “that would be one of the five.” y’all I am DECEASED
  • yeah, uh, I’m with Willow on this one. Buffcakes, you are definitely walking into a trap.
  • you are very easily distracted, Buffy
  • crying girl, definitely a trap
  • OH. OH DEAR GOD
  • you know, I actually suspected they were after the rest of the Scoobies right when Giles first said “nearest”
  • damn, why does the library always have to get wrecked
  • huh, they left Xander behind. I mean I would too but why did the vamps do it?
  • WELL THEN.
  • Buffy definitely just brought a whole new meaning to shoving religion down people’s throats
  • oh great, the four kidnapped people are strung up like chickens over the Master’s bones.
  • dude, Giles, you’re tall enough to touch the bones, GRAB THEM. MAKE ‘EM PUT THE SKELETON BACK TOGETHER
  • SWALLOW ONE OF ‘EM IF YOU HAFTA
  • or wait, I guess Giles isn’t even conscious.
  • THAT’S RIGHT, BUFFCAKES, MESS ‘EM UP
  • why is nobody focused on destroying the Master’s skeleton, that would throw a wrench in people’s plans right away
  • holy… did she just stake one vamp with the butt end of a torch and burn another with the fire end?
  • god, that is so efficient and I love it
  • oh okay here we go, NOW somebody thinks to smash the Master into bits
  • oh god this is so emotional and I love it
  • Xander that shirt is hideous
  • seriously
  • oh great, that little snot-nosed mid is still alive.
  • KID. good lord.
  • let’s go for another one, shall we?

S2E2, “Some Assembly Required”

  • Buffy are you literally sitting on a headstone
  • I’ll give Angel this, he is much better at hiding jealousy than Xander is
  • seriously, Buff, don’t bring just one stake, that’s a recipe for trouble
  • “what do you mean, he’s just a kid? does that mean I’m just a kid too?”
    well, uh, when you put it that way
  • “whoever was buried here didn’t rise from this grave. she was dragged from it.”
    cue the opening of London Bridge
  • GILES ARE YOU REHEARSING ASKING JENNY OUT YOU DORK
  • Buffy and Xander tag-teasing Giles is adding years to my lifespan though
  • I’m always so fascinated by how the ordinary, the bystanders, are grieved or not grieved in shows like this
  • Sunnydale can’t be that big and yet Xander didn’t know of Meredith, someone his own age
  • and then there were the boys found dead in the school lounge at the end of season 1, too
  • Cordelia was certainly shaken by their deaths, as was Willow, but somehow life for the rest of the school goes on — how?
  • it must shape the fabric of a town, this constant loss, the fact that it’s always grief o’clock somewhere, but is that ever really explored?
  • do off-camera parents deny this grief because they’re so painfully used to it by this point? do their children dream of escaping Sunnydale?
  • do families move here and then immediately nope the hell out?
  • do kids who go to college elsewhere joke about the violent hellhole they grew up in and then wonder how much of a joke it was?
  • whew okay pensive interlude aside, back to the snark
  • oh great, weirdo with camera taking surprise pictures of people. we’ve got ourselves a regular Colin Creevey here
  • “I don’t think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don’t want to” – Cordelia over here sounding like Betsy DeVos
  • gotta hand it to this Chris guy for consistently calling out Creepy Eric. I bet Chris is gonna die.
  • OKAY WOW NEVER MIND CHRIS IS ONE OF THE GRAVE ROBBERS
  • the poster boy for meninism
  • (apologies to whichever actor that is.)
  • wait is Chris Cordelia’s ex from long ago?
  • gotta hand it to Cordy, at least she’s attempting to deal with her own issues, even if it’s in her typical Cordyish way
  • hold up, so Sunnydale is a big enough town that there’s another high school fairly close by?
  • I’m still trying to figure this world out. it’s a little baffling.
  • Xander literally just quipped about the “cross-town body competition” I can’t
  • this show has such a weird relationship with death and grief
  • lawllllllll Buffy and Willow making the men do all the gravedigging here
  • ohhhhhhhh, Cordy dated Chris’s older brother, that’s what happened
  • and of course the brother died.
  • “rock-climbing.” sure, Willow
  • oh I have a very bad feeling about this sudden cut to Cordelia.
  • SMART, CORDELIA
  • oh man I thought for sure it’d be one of the body snatchers but no, it’s Angel
  • and of course Cordelia finds a severed hand in the dumpster she was hiding in because honestly what else would you expect from Sunnydale
  • meanwhile the rest of the Scoobies found empty graves, wunderbar
  • Cordelia is lowkey cuddling Angel and I’m like…………. is this foreshadowing
  • I don’t remember from my long-ago Wikipedia dive — are they a Thing in Angel?
  • anyway. Angel just described some Jack the Ripper shenans so that’s charming
  • in fairness to Cordelia, after an ordeal like hers, I’d feel better with a vampire accompanying me home too
  • oh, hello, Chris and his mom.
  • this is one hell of a sympathetic antagonist
  • the mom is watching her dead son’s old football videos I’m emotional
  • woohoo locker search party
  • oh now that is creepy.
  • the Barbiedook
  • that may well be the most dreadful pun I’ve ever made
  • “how’s my baby?” Eric, you little Frankenstein groupie, if you don’t shut the entire hell up right this instant…
  • I already hated “My Girl” but gosh dang
  • okay Xander I hate that you’re basically IRL subtweeting Buffy right now but you do have a good point about people desiring the unattainable
  • even though I’m sure you don’t realize it
  • honestly though Xander would 100% be that person whose Twitter is entirely subtweets
  • GILES. hon you look like a lost schoolgirl
  • “ask her to bless your laptop” — Buffy that even sounds weird coming from *you*
  • though “technopagan” sounds fly as hell
  • HE LITERALLY JUST “don’t leave me”-ED I CAN’T
  • oh he already used the word “indecorous,” this is going to go swimmingly
  • it’s okay, Giles, I’d be flustered if I were asking Jenny out too
  • mmhmm, Giles, I’m sure you have so much fun at football games
  • Jenny is Getting It Done and I am weak
  • that hairdo is also making me weak lbr
  • “that went well. I think.”
    Giles you literally didn’t even do anything
  • “huh, I found them attractive enough”
    XANDER YOU INSENSITIVE BLOCK OF WEEK-OLD SPAM YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT THE DEAD SHOW SOME F—ING RESPECT
  • Chris is all eeehhhhhhh about committing murder despite the fact that he’s Frankensteining a girl
  • or “Igoring” might be another appropriate term
  • OH DANG, Chris’s brother is DEFINITELY​ NOT DEAD
  • or, uh, not super dead at any rate
  • dude looks like a baseball
  • he doesn’t want to be alone — oh my god this is raising so many interesting questions about Adam and Eve mythology
  • lawd this is messed up
  • does Darryl or whatever his name is not remember he dated Cordelia? or does Eric just not know?
  • “I think anyone who cuts dead girls into little pieces doesn’t get the benefit of any doubt” — Z-SNAPPING IT OUT FOR BUFFY
  • Buffy is not here for Chris apologism and I love it
  • oh yeah, Chris, the six different NO ENTRY signs to your Frankencellar are definitely going to quash all curiosity
  • bracing myself for a jump scare
  • I hate this from-behind camera angle so much
  • OH GOD Darryl almost sneaking up on Buffy but her not noticing and getting away is almost worse than a jumpscare
  • oh boy, Cordelia is putting on makeup when Chris approaches. filed under “definitely significant”
  • yeah, Chris, what ARE you doing in what I can only assume is the girls’ locker room
  • FLYING KICK FOR THE WIN
  • I’m so impressed that Cordelia knows the word “apex,” genuinely
  • Eric you predatory piece of [redacted]
  • good lord this football game is taking me back
  • whaddaya want to bet Darryl’s going to steal someone’s uniform and go out on the field
  • or not.
  • wonderful timing for that touchdown, boys. not.
  • BUFFCAKES CATCHING A THROWN KNIFE LIKE IT’S NO BIG DEAL
  • Eric lowkey sneaking around the back while Buffy talks to Darryl
  • SO MUCH FIRE ALL OF A SUDDEN
  • also I’m amazed, Xander can actually be useful for once
  • holy mother of god Xander definitely just Fast-and-Furioused Cordelia’s stretcher straight through the flames
  • the boy does have his very occasional uses
  • also Buffy is kicking an awful lot and I’m like… hon that’s a recipe for getting your leg grabbed and getting yanked onto your rear
  • Chris swooping in at the eleventh hour to try to dissuade Darryl
  • oh that is disturbing, Darryl died for the second time bc he was literally so thirsty he decided he’d rather cuddle a headless corpse
  • phwhooosh
  • OH AND OF COURSE XANDER’S BIG TAKEAWAY IS THAT EVERYONE ELSE IS “PAIRED OFF” go home and watch reruns of Baywatch you perv
  • here’s an idea, Xander, Chris isn’t “paired off” with anyone
  • what the SNOT, XANDER
  • CORDELIA IS TRYING TO THANK YOU AND YOU BRUSH HER OFF?
  • see, this is one of many many MANY reasons why you’re still single
  • @ anyone pls tell me the Character Transmogrifier comes for this fool eventually
  • he is the least self-aware character ever
  • “I don’t love Xander”
    “yeah, but he’s in your life. he gets to be there when I can’t.”
    uh, anybody else get a possessive vibe from this?
  • chill out, Angel, yeesh
  • and they mosey through the graveyard right next to Darryl’s grave, and turns out I’ve been spelling his name wrong this whole time
  • also it just occurred to me that I was livetweeting an episode about a dude who came back from the dead. happy Easter, folks.
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