Why my cat should’ve been the Twelfth Doctor

Peter Capaldi has just been announced as the Twelfth Doctor, and I’m not unhappy about it.  (I will admit I’m sad that he won’t be able to curse as fluently as Malcolm Tucker.)  But you know who would’ve been even better?

My cat Pippa.

Just hear me out, okay?

Here are some reasons why Pippa would’ve been brilliant as Twelve.

1. She already has a signature accessory – her fabulous collar.
   
   

   Note the purple rhinestones.
   (Sadly, her fur is so long and luxurious that it mostly obscures her collar, but it’s whatever.)

2. She looks right at home with a sonic screwdriver.
   
   

   And did I mention she has half a mustache? HOW COOL IS THAT???

3. She’s completely unflappable.  Vacuums, the lawn mower, and even my two dogs Lucy and Ella don’t scare her.  Lord only knows how much time she spent on the streets before we found her.
4. Going off that, she’s absolutely formidable.  She’s this tiny five-pound cat, right, and she’s still managed to intimidate the living daylights out of Lucy (who’s 25 pounds) and Ella (who’s a comparative dinosaur at 75 pounds).  I know she could just nail the Doctor’s epic speeches.
5. It’s not as if sassy talking cats haven’t been a thing before.  (See also:  Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch.)
6. Time Lords can change species, at least in appearance.  Lord Cardinal Zero regenerated into some sort of bird thing, after all.  So it’s entirely possible that Matt Smith could’ve regenerated into my cat.
7. If it’s canonically possible for Matt Smith to regenerate into my cat, it’s even more canonically possible that the Doctor can regenerate into something other than yet another white guy.

Now tell me again why the idea of the Doctor being non-white and/or non-male is ridiculous.  Go on.  I dare you.